He shoved whoever it was away and began to walk in the opposite direction. He needed space. He needed to be alone.
Nadia’s headached and her eyes were gritty from the tears she’d cried for Cerise and the dust the helicopter had swirled up. But being in Mitch’s arms was magical. His strength was seeping into her bones, rejuvenating her to get back in and help those who needed it.
And yet she’d lost him. The second his muscles tensed and the arms that had been comforting a second before, were now like bands of steel, she knew. He was succumbing to another attack.
Mitch shoved her away and began striding off. She couldn’t let him go off like this. There was still so much going on around them. What if he was so lost in his thoughts that he walked on a live wire from a downed power line? What if he walked into a ditch and hurt himself? She had to go after him. Had to make sure he was okay. Try and talk him out of the attack. No way was she going to kiss him again. Nadia couldn’t believe she’d done that to him at the barbeque. Mitch had been right when he called her out on her actions. She’d been acting as a woman, not a doctor. He’d been in pain and she’d just wanted to take it away from him.
Nadia set off after him, taking in the devastation around her. She couldn’t believe that she’d survived the tornado after having seen what had happened to Buck’s place. All around her, buildings were totaled or half destroyed. Trees were uprooted and there were cars with broken windows. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms as a shiver of fear consumed her. She had to shake it off though. No way could she help Mitch if she allowed the fear to overwhelm her.
“Mitch!” She called out, his step faltered but he didn’t stop, he continued moving. The way he picked his way over the debris scattered on the field, at least he had some semblance of understanding of his surroundings. Maybe he’d walked himself out of his attack and he was just taking a few minutes to get himself under control before he went back to help more victims.
When they’d been working on both Buck and Cerise, Nadia had a glimpse of the army medic he’d been. He’d been cool and calm and had taken the lead on Cerise. For that she was grateful. As a physician she should’ve been able to separate herself fromher feelings when she treated patients, but after the experience of surviving a tornado her emotions had been too close to the surface and Mitch had seen that.
Finally, he stopped at the edge of the field, they were shrouded in darkness. A light misty rain was beginning to fall.
“Mitch, are you okay?”
He turned on her. “How the hell can I be okay? A man’s life is never going to be the same again. This war is fucked.” He scrubbed a hand down his face, and she wanted to hold him. Comfort him but she couldn’t. This time she needed to maintain her distance from him.
“But you saved his life. That’s got to mean something.”
“Really? I’m not sure if I did the right thing. I couldn’t save his legs. I had to cut them off. I sentenced him to a life of misery.”
“No, you didn’t, Mitch. You did your job. You did what you trained for. He’s going to have an amazing life and his family will forever be grateful to you that you worked hard to keep him alive.”
“Oh Boston, you need to take your rose colored glasses off. Life is not all sweetness and light. His family will probably say all the right things to his face, but behind his back they’ll be crying and cursing me for what I did to their son, brother, or lover.”
Boston. He called me Boston.
He’d called her Boston earlier and she didn’t think much of it. But the fact he referred to her by the nickname while lost in an attack had to mean something. Was he caught between the past and the present? If so, it should be easy enough to bring him back, shouldn’t it? She had to try.
“Mitch, you don’t know that but I’d like to believe that his family would embrace him and thank you for what you did. Like I’m thanking you for taking care with Cerise just a few moments ago. I know she’s going to be okay because you worked on her.”
The muted light revealed the incredulous look on his face. His mouth quirked up at the sides in an almost cynical fashion, as if he felt sorry for her. She wasn’t going to let him make her feel bad. She believed Cerise was going to be okay. And yes, perhaps she still believed the more optimistic side of things, and hadn’t grown that cynical doctor skin yet. Maybe she would and maybe she wouldn’t. One thing she did know was that she loved her job and, yes even the most horrible aspects of it when she couldn’t save anyone. But every person she did save was a victory in her mind. Her skills had given a person back to a family and she had to make Mitch see that about himself somehow, although the task was proving to be difficult.
Nadia held still when Mitch’s hand reached out and he brushed his knuckles against her cheek. The gesture sweet and in complete contrast to his cynicism. “You’ll learn, Boston. You’ll learn that the thicker the skin you develop the better you’ll be.” He dropped his hand to his side and his shoulders slumped. “You’ll get to the stage where they stop becoming people and just become lumps of flesh and blood.”
Nadia shuddered at the thought. She hoped that would never happen to her, but had it happened to Mitch? Is that why he left the military? She still didn’t know what branch he’d served in. “I’m sorry if that happened to you and you feel that way. But I saw you tonight, you’re an amazing doctor and I bet an even better surgeon.”
He laughed, but it wasn’t humorous it was almost manic. “So young and stupid. Why am I even talking to you?”
Her back bristled at being called stupid, she was far from stupid. She’d give him a pass this time—maybe. “You know Mitch, you don’t know me and you don’t know how I work. And that’s fine, but know one thing.” She closed the distance and poked a finger in his chest. “I’m. Not. Stupid.”
Mitch’s hand closed over hers, trapping it against his chest. Beneath her fingers she could feel the steady thump of his heart. Her flesh warmed at the contact and when she looked up at him, time slowed. She steeled her spine to stop from leaning into him. She’d been drawn to him the first time she’d seen him at the barbeque. Had been intrigued and then when she’d helped him with his attack, she’d begun to care for him. It had been so difficult to walk away from him earlier that night when he stopped to talk to her at Buck’s bar. The relief she’d felt when his face poked through the hole he’d created had been instantaneous. She’d wanted to rush into his arms and hold him. Glad that he was safe. Glad that he was there saving her and the others trapped together.
Now his eyes glittered in the darkness and in that moment Nadia had no idea if he’d snapped out of his attack and was aware of what he was doing, or he was still thinking he was back fighting in a war he hated.
“Mitch?” she asked, quietly.
“Boston, what am I going to do with you?” He whispered and lowered his head toward hers. Nadia froze, surely he wasn’t about to kiss her? She couldn’t let him do that, not if he was still in the throes of his panic attack.
She went to pull her hand out from under his, but his free hand came up and repeated his earlier gesture of brushing his knuckles against her cheek. She’d seen her dad do that to her mom and her mom always melted. The love they shared was still as strong as ever and it was a relationship she wanted for herself.
As much as she wanted to think Mitch doing the same action meant something, she was also cognizant enough to know this probably wasn’t real and Mitch wouldn’t remember what he was doing.
“This isn’t a good idea,” she blurted out when his lips were a breath away from hers.
“Nothing about this is a good idea, but I can’t stop.” Mitch responded and pressed his lips against hers. His touch was as she remembered and even though she should pull away, she couldn’t. He’d reeled her into his orbit and she didn’t want to be cast aside.
