Or worse, to stay the night.
Would she do that?
I run a hand through my hair and start pacing. I told her she was free to have people over so long as it wasn’t during working hours and they were respectful.
I never considered a man might spend the night.
Finally, the sound of footsteps cuts through my thoughts. I look out the window in time to see Joshua head toward the driveway.
Relief crashes through me so hard I have to brace myself against the wall.
But as he walks beneath the porch light, I notice his mouth is shinier than it was before.
Like he’s wearing lip gloss.
Rowan’slip gloss.
I should let it go. It doesn’t matter.
She’s my employee. Just my employee. My kids’ nanny.
That’s exactly what I tell myself as I stride down the hall.
It’s what I tell myself as I lift my hand.
And it’s what I tell myself as I knock.
It’s not until the sound echoes around me that the realization of what I’m doing finally hits me. I should turn around, go to bed, and forget about Rowan.
But before I can, footsteps approach and the door opens.
Rowan appears in a sweater dress and knee-high boots, her cheeks flushed from the cold, hair slightly wind-tossed.
God, she’s beautiful.
“Did you kiss him?” I blurt out.
She blinks, obviously taken aback by my question.
“That’s none of your business, Hayden. What I do during my personal time is precisely that. Personal.”
“Just tell me,” I push, despite knowing better. “I need to know.”
“Why do you care?” She crosses her arms. Defensive. Beautiful. “You’re the one who pushedmeaway. You don’t get to act jealous now that I’m seeing someone else. It doesn’t work that way.”
“I know.” I drag a hand through my hair, tugging at the ends. “Do you think I wanted to push you away? Fuck, Rowan. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that damn kiss since Saturday. Every time I’m around you, it replays in my head. This week has been torture. All because of how incredible it felt to finally kiss you.”
“Then why did you push me away?”
Because you’re my kids’ nanny.
Because you’re younger.
Because people would talk.
Because I lost my wife.
Because wanting you feels like betraying her.
