CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ROWAN
I finish shovingthe last of my clothes into the dresser, then pull out a fresh t-shirt and a pair of yoga pants. Mere hours ago, I threw all my things into my suitcase, hoping to never step foot in this place again, too distraught and unsettled over the fact that the only reason I’m alive right now is because Hayden’s wife isn’t.
I almost didn’t come back here with him.
But something made me say yes.
A part of me wonders if maybe Cora had something to do with it. If she led me here so her kids could have a piece of her back.
After I change, I check my reflection in the mirror and reach for my makeup bag before hesitating.
Am I doing too much?
Am I trying too hard?
Why do I even care?
I put on makeup for people all the time. Or Iusedto. These days, I don’t care what anyone thinks. Life is far too short to give a shit about eyeliner symmetry.
Except I can’t quite shake the way Hayden looked at me when he asked me to stay for pizza.
It didn’t mean anything. Itcan’tmean anything. He’s my boss. I’m his nanny. He probably just thought the kids needed some stability after the emotional rollercoaster we’ve all been on today.
But the way he looked at me didn’t feel like a boss asking his nanny to stay for dinner for the kids’ sake.
I close my makeup bag after applying only a little gloss. Then I tug on an oversized sweatshirt and arrange my dark hair into a braid that falls over one shoulder. This version of me feels safer. Less flirty. More nanny.
Which is all I am.
I head back into the living room, expecting to find Presley and Jemmy entertaining themselves while Hayden cleans up or reviews patient notes, as is so often the case.
Instead, I stop short.
Hayden is on the floor.
Like, actually on the floor.
He’s traded his suit for a pair of faded jeans and a t-shirt, and Jemmy is sitting between his outstretched legs, pushing toy cars down a mini slide. Presley has stacked blocks into a wobbly castle at the bottom. Every time a car crashes into it, Jemmy shrieks with laughter and Hayden cheers like his team just won the championship game. Even Presley claps wildly.
It’s beautiful. And unexpected. I haven’t been herelong, but I’ve never seen Hayden like this — loose, playful, fully present. It’s also a little bittersweet, because their mom should be here, too.
She should be sitting on the couch, rolling her eyes at the mess, probably filming the chaos on her phone.
In a way, she sort of is here.
Her heart is with them, even if they don’t realize it.
“Oh,” Hayden says when he notices me. “You’re back.”
“I didn’t want to interrupt. Whose idea was the slide?”
“Presley’s.”
I grin at her. “Good one.”
She beams like she just discovered gravity.
