Mom shakes her head. “I’m not talking about the kids, Hayden. Although she’s definitely amazing with them.” She narrows her gaze on me. “She’s good for you, too. You’ve seemed…lighter. Happier.”
“I’m not sure about that. Not sure Icanbe happy,” I admit.
“Why do you think that?”
I part my lips, about to respond, but Mom holds up her hand, cutting me off before I can utter a single syllable.
“I know what you’re going to say. That you can’t be happy because of Cora. Because it’s only been a year.”
I swallow hard. I can’t deny she’s right.
It’s one of the reasons I keep cursing myself for the things Rowan makes me feel. Not just because she’s technically my employee. But because I feel like I’m dishonoring Cora’s memory by looking at Rowan the way I have been.
Hell, by looking atanywoman.
But I haven’t looked at any other women.
Only Rowan.
“I’ve been where you are, Hayden,” Mom continues. “There was a part of me that thought I would dishonor your father’s memory if I felt even a hint of happiness after losing him. But then I realized something.”
“What’s that?”
A nostalgic gleam fills her eyes. “He would have been livid if he learned I was moping around. He’d want me to live life to its fullest. He’d want me to laugh again. Maybe even love again.”
I open my mouth to argue, but she cuts me off once more.
“I’m not saying you need to forget Cora. She’s the mother of your children. A woman you loved for years. She’ll always have a piece of your heart. But youcanallow yourself to be happy. Okay?”
She may not come right out and say it, but I know what she’s getting at.
That it’s time for me to move on and find someone who makes me happy.
I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
Not sure I’ll ever be ready for that.
But I’m not about to tell my mom that.
“Okay.” I place a soft kiss on her cheek. “Thanks again. For everything.”
“I’m always here for you.”
I walk her to the door, giving her one last hug, then head back inside to watch my kids.
At least, that’s what I tell myself.
In reality, I can’t stop looking at Rowan.
At her wide smile.
The way she involves both Jemmy and Presley in their project.
The way her laughter rings through the air.
The way she makes these four wallsfeellike a home, instead of a place I live.
I pad toward them, keeping my steps soft so as not to interrupt Rowan and the kids. But Rowan senses my presence anyway, shifting her eyes to mine.
