I hate the way being shoved in here makes me feel. Like I’m unwelcome.
Like I’m a secret.
Isn’t that what I am?
Isn’t that all I wanted to be?
From the bathroom, water starts running fast and furious. Like Declan’s jumped straight into the shower in a desperate attempt to wash me from every inch of him.
“Declan?” Joshua calls again, closer this time.
“I’m just finishing up a shower,” Declan answers, his voice casual yet forced. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“I can come back if it’s not a good time. I grabbed sandwiches from the deli. Thought we could have lunch. If you’re busy, I can head next door since it looks like Claire went home for lunch.”
My whole body stiffens as panic races through me. The last thing either of us needs is Joshua going over to my place and not finding me there, despite my car being in the driveway.
“It’s not a bad time at all,” Declan says smoothly. “I’m happy you dropped by. I’ll be right out.”
The shower runs for a bit longer as I dress in complete darkness, every sound amplified. A few seconds after the water shuts off, the closet door opens. Declan stands in front of me, dripping wet, a towel slung low. His chest rises and falls as his eyes lock on mine.
I’m fully prepared for him to tell me we can’t do this again. That this was too close. Too reckless.
Instead, he presses his forehead against mine. The scent of his body wash clings to his damp skin, filling my lungs.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I gave him the code so he’d feel at home. I didn’t think?—”
“It’s okay,” I assure him, though I don’t sound nearly as confident as I wish. “Go. I’ll sneak out through the bathroom window.”
He pulls back and meets my eyes. “You shouldn’t have to.”
“Do you have a better idea?”
His lips part, then he shakes his head. “No. I just…. Damn it.” He tugs at his hair, his frustration evident. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Really.”
I slip past him and tiptoe toward the bathroom, climbing into the jacuzzi tub and pulling up the blinds. I’m about to crack open the window and pop out the screen when a hand on my wrist stops me.
“Let me make it up to you.”
I pause, turning toward Declan. “How?”
“This weekend. We’ll go somewhere. Tahoe, maybe. I’ll get us a suite. Take you to dinner. We’ll walk down the street holding hands, and I’ll kiss you whenever the hell I want. No hiding. No interruptions.”
My heart twists. I should say no. Should stop this before it tangles me up in a way I’ll never be able to escape. But the picture he paints is tempting.
Tootempting.
Especially when I’ve fantasized about this exact thing since seeing him at the parade on Saturday and imagined what it would be like to be able to kiss and touch him without a single care for who might see us.
I could have that, if only for one night.
But we’ve proven time and again that one night is never enough. I’ll want more. And more isn’t in the cards for us.
Regardless, I can’t find the strength to say no to him. I couldn’t in Boston. I couldn’t last week when he practically begged me to tell him to stop.
And I can’t right now, either.
