‘Makeup? Well, you can forget a day off school. If you’re old enough to go behind our back, go expressly against our wishes, and dye your hair, then you’re old enough to face the consequences.’
Emmy whimpered. From the lounge, the noise of shouting filtered through the door.
‘I’ll see what’s going on,’ I said, keen to remove myself from the father-daughter stand-off. In the lounge, I found two small boys tearing chunks out of one another as they wrestled on the carpet. ‘Bertie, stop that at once.’
Both boys ignored me, pushing me off as I tried to pull them apart. In the end, the only thing I could do was fling myself on the floor between them like a second-rate wrestling referee.
I managed to get both boys sitting down on the sofa, although they sat at either end, refusing to look at each other.
‘Boys,’ I said, hands on hips, trying to look as stern as possible. ‘What on earth’s going on with you?’
‘Big arse Bertie lost all the points on my game.’
‘I didn’t,’ yelled Bertie, ‘there was a glitch on the machine.’
‘Liar!’
‘No, you’re the liar!’
‘Get out of my house. None of us want you here, you little loser.’
‘Hey,’ I said. ‘Jake, that’s a horrible thing to say.’
‘Yeah, well, it’s true. I can’t sleep with him nattering away in my ear, and I can’t even watch TV in the morning with you sleeping in here.’
‘Don’t speak to my mum like that, you little…’
The door opened just as Bertie and Jake flung themselves at each other for round two.
‘What the…’
‘It’s OK,’ I told Cass, holding each boy at arm’s length. ‘Just a misunderstanding.’
‘It looks more than a misunderstanding.’
‘Bertie, go and cool off in the garden. Jake, get ready for school. Your mum’s just got back from work and this is the last thing she needs.’
Both boys skulked off, and Cass was about to sit down when a furious-looking Jasper marched into the room, dragging a sobbing Emmy by the arm.
‘What the…’
‘An accident with some hair dye,’ I explained as Jasper opened the door, pushed Emmy out of it, and locked it behind her.
‘What are you doing? You can’t lock our daughter out of the house!’
‘She needs to go to school,’ said Jasper. ‘If she never has to face the consequences of her actions, she’ll never take responsibility for anything.’
‘Don’t you think that’s a decision we should have made together?’
‘You weren’t here. I was. You can’t undermine me now.’
As the argument between Cass and Jasper escalated into a full-blown row, I slipped out of the room and went to find Bertie in the garden.
‘Can I go back in now?’
‘No, not yet. Aunt Cass and Uncle Jasper are having a discussion.’
‘You mean an argument, like the ones you and Dad have?’
