Colin laughed, ‘I don’t know, I’ve never met the woman.’
‘Anyway, I then caught one of my co-workers stealing. I took the evidence I’d collected to the manager, and she dismissed it, saying I didn’t know the complete story.’
‘Maybe you didn’t?’
‘Come on, Dad. I’d got photos and everything. It was so cliquey, everyone with their own little secrets, sharing them with each other, just not with me. I was an outsider from the start and it just went from bad to worse.’
Colin sighed. ‘Take a few days to reflect on things. It’s possible, like your boss said, that you don’t know the full story. Not everything’s always about you.’
Sarah spun her head round. ‘How dare you suggest I’m trying to make things about me?’
‘Listen, I’ve had time to think over things these past few months. I’m not sure your mother and I did you any favours. It’s such a shame we couldn’t have a second child.’
‘Dad, what are you talking about?’
‘We spoiled you.’
‘Spoiled me? You’re having a laugh.’
‘I don’t mean materially spoiled, I mean emotionally. You were our entire focus. We tried to make life easy for you, but in the end I’m not sure that helped anything.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘You always found making friends difficult, so we let you retreat into your own safe world. We should have pushed you to join clubs, invite friends round, learn how to socialise.’
‘God, Dad, it wasn’t a lack of social skills that left me friendless. I was bullied.’
‘And I’m not diminishing that. It was an awful time for you, I know. But that one experience has shaped the whole of your life. You’ve had your guard up ever since, pushing people away before they can hurt you.’
‘You’re supposed to be on my side.’
‘I am, I am. But we could’ve helped you more than we did. I think your mother enjoyed having you to herself all the time. She never lost you to friends the way so many mothers do as their children grow up.’
‘I enjoyed spending time with you and Mum.’
‘I know you did, and that’s to be commended, but spending time with parents shouldn’t come at the expense of your own life. You’ve been living like a middle-aged woman since you were eleven.’
‘I don’t need to hear this,’ said Sarah, standing to leave. ‘You’ve got some nerve laying all the blame at my door. It was you who wrecked our family life. We’d all still be jogging along if it weren’t for you.’
Colin took Sarah’s wrist and pulled her back onto the bench. ‘Sarah, you’re not listening to me. That life we had, the one you look back on with rose-tinted glasses, was not a happy one. It was small, devoid of fun or adventure. The three of us sat there day after day, bringing out the worst in each other. You were becoming more and more like your mother and I couldn’t let that continue.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with Mum,’ said Sarah, squirming inside as she thought of Cynthia’s behaviour in the café.
Colin took a sip of his coffee and stared out at the duck pond. ‘I don’t want to sit here and slag off your mum, Sarah. I’m just trying to be honest with you and tell you how I see things. Life was pretty awful for me, you know. I let you and your mother rule the roost. I let you boss me around, treat me like a second-class citizen. Perhaps if I’d stood up for myself earlier, you would have learned how to form a healthy relationship. I saw you treating Mark the way your mother treated me, and it broke my heart. When you split up, I hoped you’d take it as a fresh start, move away, get a bit more independence. Instead, you retreated further and further into yourself. It had to stop. We couldn’t carry on as we were. That said, I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve put you through.’
Sarah sat stunned, struggling to process Colin’s words. Did he think so little of her? ‘If you hated me and mum so much, you should have left sooner.’
‘Sarah,’ said Colin, taking his daughter’s hands. ‘I don’t hate you. That’s why I’m saying all this. Look at me.’
Sarah turned her head away from her father. He cupped a hand beneath her chin and turned her face around so he could look into her eyes. ‘In front of me, I see a beautiful, capable, interesting woman who deserves a life filled with friendship, love and fun. You were withering away at home, becoming the worst version of yourself. I couldn’t bear to see what our marriage was doing to you. You’re my precious, precious girl and I love you.’
‘I can’t do this,’ said Sarah, pulling her hands from Colin’s and standing once more. ‘You’ve made your feelings clear. I’m leaving now.’
‘Wait,’ said Colin, pulling an envelope from his pocket. ‘You can’t stay in the house, there’s nothing there. I’d invite you to come and stay with me, but I’m still renovating the boat and anyway, I don’t think it will do you any harm to stand on your own two feet. Use this to tide you over until you have a plan in place.’
Sarah took the envelope from him. Inside was a wedge of twenty-pound notes. She wanted to throw the envelope back at him, but knew it would be a foolish gesture which would punish only herself. Sarah turned on her heel and strode off through the park.
‘Can we meet up again?’ Colin called, but Sarah ignored him, heading off to a future that seemed decidedly bleak.
