“The hemoglobin dropped to six,” was the first thing she said to me in the morning when I kissed her.
“Do they know what caused the sudden drop?”
“I don’t think so, because they talked about the underlying disease that could cause anemia. You know, I had anemia in the past even without bleeding.”
“What do they plan to do?”
“I don’t know.”
“Usually they keep you informed.”
“I think because of you, they’re trying to keep a low profile.”
“What do you mean?”
“They don’t want to involve you.”
“But why? It’s not like I’m getting in their way.”
“I know, they know, but still.”
“No one has spoken to me yet.”
As soon as grand rounds ended, I approached the deputy department head to find out what they intended to do. She replied that they were trying to identify the cause of the anemia, which apparently stemmed from the underlying disease.
“A personal piece of advice from me – be her husband, not her doctor,” she said in a different tone. I was stunned, and more than that – offended. Not for a moment had I thought of myself as her doctor. Certainly not in this department. I had questions as a husband, as a lover, as a beloved one – not as a competitor.
“What are you trying to say?” I asked, trying to mask my feelings.
“Treat your wife as her husband. Like every husband treats his wife, especially when she is ill.”
“Look, I don’t interfere in any procedure. I just want to know, and I think I’m entitled to that.”
“Would you like me to tell you when the official hours are for family consultations with the department’s doctors?” Her tone turned formal.
“I understand, thank you,” I said and turned away.
“Michael,” she called after me. I didn’t want to turn around. I didn’t want her to see me in tears. But I turned anyway.
“Yes?” I answered, my voice choked.
“I have a bit more experience than you. Be her husband – it’s better. Take advice from someone with experience.”
“But…” I couldn’t finish the sentence I wanted to say. “Thank you,” I said instead, and headed to Lily’s room.
On the way I went into the bathroom. I couldn’t let her see melike this. I washed my face and waited. Only when I managed to smile at the image in the mirror, when the signs of crying had disappeared, did I go to Lily.
I felt Shira following me. I didn’t want to tell her about the turmoil I had just experienced.
“What do the doctors say?” Lily was tense.
On the one hand, I didn’t want to disappoint her; on the other, I couldn’t avoid answering. I limited myself to saying they were investigating, and that the anemia was probably linked to the underlying disease, as before.
“I don’t believe them,” Lily said, surprising me. “Maybe they’re wrong?”
“Lily, don’t talk like that. You mustn’t create a crisis of trust now of all times.”
“Why not?”
