“I wondered about that too.”
“It’s strange – we’ve been together three years and everything’s been fine, and suddenly this ‘Judah’ shows up and orders me to change my life, and like an idiot I agree and obey…”
“I hope it isn’t a flare-up of the disease.”
“I hope so too. It’s never looked like this before.”
“Will you go for tests back home?” I asked – and pleaded at the same time.
“I promise, Michael, I promise. Look – I look perfectly fine,” she said, pointing to her reflection in the mirror.
“So how do you feel now?” I addressed the figure in the mirror.
“Excellent. You can relax. Really normal.”
“Don’t you want to rest? I think we’ve been racing around like crazy these past two weeks. Maybe we should take a day off?”
“Michael, this might be my last chance? You can relax – I’ve regained control of myself.”
“Of what? That’s the first time I’ve heard you say that!”
“Which part … ‘control of myself?’”
“Yes. Someone who takes pills – especially steroids – can’t control herself. Those pills are so potent that…”
“Please don’t raise your voice. It makes me uncomfortable!” She seemed disappointed by what I’d said about self-control.
“I’m sorry about my tone, but…”
“No ‘but.’ I’m fine. I feel fine – and it will be fine!”
“My Lily, what happened? Why are you shouting at me?”
“I feel like you’re trying to control me. Yesterday it was Judah – today it’s you? You see that I’m managing, you see I realize that maybe Judah was wrong – I don’t know… I’m confused because this has never happened to me, and I know there’s always a first time. But please – go with me on this.”
“Please don’t shout. I love you more every day. I promise to listen to you – but I ask that you listen to me, too. You know that when I raise my voice – and it’s rare – it’s because I’m confused, because I don’t know what to decide…”
“And I’m dying to get dressed and get out of here.”
“My Lily,” I lowered my voice, “You know I love you, and I do everything to make things easier for you.”
“My love, I know. I’m fine. Let’s go to the Lincoln Memorial, then to Arlington to see Kennedy’s grave and the Iwo Jima flag.That’s what I want to do today. In the afternoon, we’ll pop into the New Art Museum for a short visit. I’ll probably be tired.”
“Lily, after each site, we’ll rest and then move on… The list is too long.”
“Fine,” she said, surprising me.
By the time she finished dressing and putting on makeup, I couldn’t remember what we had argued about. About half an hour later, we were already at one of Washington’s most moving monuments – the Lincoln Memorial. The next day we returned to New York.
The image of blood running down her thighs etched itself into each of our memories in our own way. I lodged it in my mind – where it remains to this day – and Lily painted it in oil on several huge canvases, and later erased most of them.
Chapter 48
Other Guests
“You see, I promised and I kept my word,” I said as the plane’s wheels lifted off the concrete runway at John F. Kennedy Airport in New York.
“I love you,” she said, laying her head in my lap.
