“You don’t even get jealous,” I say.
“Wanting what I have is one thing. Touching it is another.”
“Who says you have me?” I ask, batting my eyelashes.
It’s supposed to be a joke. Another cat and mouse conversation we always have, but he tenses up and looks down.
I want to grab his arm and reassure him, but for some reason, I freeze. Farrah shoots me a look and then quickly changes the subject.
He doesn’t return to his jolly self, and I lose my appetite. Errol and Farrah are doing everything in their power to keep the conversation going.
“You guys have to come see his home in Martha’s Vineyard. It’s the equivalent of the Hamptons for Black people. The history is beautiful.” Farrah can’t help her enthusiasm as she perceives what can possibly be a saving grace for our relationship.
“How about we go after your last chemo appointment? It’s a little chilly, but we have a fire pit on the back patio and for once we have the time.” Errol, seeing her intentions, jumps in as well.
I look at Callahan and see that he is already staring at me. There is a hope in his eyes that is impossible to ignore.
“I think that’s a great idea,” I say, not taking my eyes off his. He releases a breath and offers me a nod and a small smile.
We map out the details and determine that we are going to invite Rowan and Charlie. I don’t know how it’s going to go having him there, but we said we would be friends. And right now, I want to celebrate with everyone that I love. Especially when I am so close to losing one of them.
Chapter 27
Whenthedaycomesfor me to have my last appointment, it’s Farrah joining me again. Later, my dad and Callahan will meet us here for the ringing of the bell. You get to do it when you finish your chemo.
There is an excitement in the air that buzzes all around me. Knowing I likely won’t have to come back and do this, that all of the fighting is resulting in a win, I feel my shoulders ease and my breath comes easier.
“I love to see you smiling so much,” Farrah says.
“I can’t help it. This is likely the last time I have to come here.”
I look around at the walls, the TVs, and the chairs. It’s like an uncomfortable waiting room to the great beyond. Nurse Rasheda is the ferryman who decides who goes and who stays. I got to stay, and now I get to leave.
“It’s been seven months since you found out. Almost eight.”
“I know, and so much has changed in that time.” This has changed me, but so has Callahan. I don’t know who I would be today if it weren’t for him being the one with me through this experience.
From day one, I knew that I was going to get through this. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to come out on top. I justdidn’t realize how much of a fight it was going to actually be. I didn’t know how much it was going to take from me.
Without Callahan, Farrah, and my dad, I don’t know if I would have been able to do this. I wouldn’t have gotten up so easily from every knockdown. But they were there holding my hand. And he was specifically there lifting me up.
I’m not the same woman I was at the start of this, and a great portion of it has to do with that man.
“Has it helped you decide what to do with your career?” Farrah tilts her head and plays with one of her curls.
“Maybe.”
I explain the opportunity with the dance school, and my initial feelings about it.
“I like the idea of it a lot. I just am scared to jump the gun for some reason. But teaching and choreographing sounds like what I need.”
“This may be the pivot I was talking about. Your new way to have your passion. I think you should go for it.”
I nod and pull at the edge of my shirt. Before I can say anything else, my dad walks into the room. Nurse Rasheda goes to tell him I can only have one person with me, but it’s clear who he came for. Holding her coffee order, he pulls her to the side and quickly engages her in conversation. It’s not until she comes to unhook me that he says hi.
“Callahan’s in the lobby. We thought we could all stay at the house until you start to get sick. Have a little celebratory moment just the four of us.”
The idea sounds nice, and the throwing up takes a couple of hours to start, so I agree and give him the smile I can’t help but have.
