The way he looks at the ground makes my blood boil. It’s clear he knew enough to be ashamed. So, for however long he has known, he has ignored this fact, just like I have done for decades.
“I don’t believe that, but even if we go with that reasoning, why didn’t you do anything when it became clear that she was?”
I blame Callahan for opening this can of worms, but now that he has, I can’t close them. I’ve clearly wondered this myself, but I neverthought of it that way. I never put myself in my dad’s shoes and thought about how I would react.
Even though I never told him how bad it was for me, he saw enough to know that this was not okay.
“Monty, I’m sorry. I just kept thinking it wasn’t as bad as it was. It wasn’t until she left and got remarried that I even realized how much she…” he trails off, his head dipping towards the ground again.
I’m happy he doesn’t finish that sentence because I don’t want to talk about that part. I wait to see if he has anything else to say, or if he will try a different path of justification. As the silence stretches on, I come to the conclusion that he still isn’t ready to acknowledge it.
“You should ask for her number,” is all I say, knowing I’m not going to get what I want out of this conversation.
He will never look inside and ask himself these questions. I know he grew up in a different time, and being a Black man in the south is a recipe for issues, but I had hoped as he got older that he would have done some self-exploration.
He gets up and goes to talk to her, and I hope that this time it works out for him. I hope that he will breathe life into this Black woman and see the magic of what she will do for him because of that.
Thinking of this makes me wish for Black love again, but I want someone who will do that for me, and Callahan does. I can’t deny myself that by thinking something better will come along. So far, he is the best man I’ve ever been with.
While my dad is gone, I give him a call.
“My gorgeous, gorgeous girl. To what do I owe this pleasure?”
“I was just thinking of you.” I shift so that I can rest the phone on my shoulder, freeing me from having to hold it.
“While doing what exactly?”
I can imagine him wiggling his eyebrows.
“While getting chemo, you perv. I only think of you that way at night. Or sometimes at the kitchen table. Once in the bathroom.”
“All places I plan on taking you in.”
“Maybe at your place, which I have yet to see.”
Rasheda comes and checks on the line before moving on to someone else. My dad tells me he is going to run and get her a coffee.
“Come over when you’re done. I can take care of you,” Callahan says.
My hackles bristle at that, making me want to hang up.
“No, thank you.”
He sighs into the line. “Well, are you at least going to let your dad?”
“I don’t need anyone to help me. I know what to expect now.”
“Monty.”
“Callahan.”
“Woman.”
“Man.”
He breathes out and then chuckles.
“You are so—”
