“And Finn?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Next is Connor.”
I take a long sip of my pop, weighing if I want to get into the look that flashed across his face when he said that. But he beats me to asking.
“Do you wish you had siblings?”
“No.” The answer is easy, and I don’t think I have to explain based on what I have told him about my past. “Under differentcircumstances, it might have been nice to have a big family. Growing up, it was just me, my dad, and my nana.”
“Well, you’re more than welcome to mine, if you want.”
I try to picture it. Melding into the O’Connors and becoming one of them. Marrying in like he so desperately wants me to. What would it be like to have so many people love me? What would it be like to have Callahan love me?
I’ve been fighting the possibility of us for so long that I never gave myself a moment to really think of what we would be like. Being absorbed into a family so big and loving, all while calling this man mine, is both terrifying and dreamlike.
If this is just what it’s like when he is infatuated with someone, then I don’t know how he would be if consumed. So grounded and in it, if I were entirely his, would it be possible to ever walk away from him? Would I want to?
I look up into his smiling eyes and sink into them a little more. He’s like quicksand, each time I fight it, he just pulls me in deeper. I don’t know if I can handle being loved by him, or loving him the way I feel like I’m capable of. But I also don’t want to stop it from happening. So I push all these doubts down and head back out with him to use the rest of our tokens.
When we’re all out, the silence is charged as we wait for the lady to read our cards. He’s holding my hand like we are competing gymnasts waiting for the scores to be called. It’s friendly, but he’s clearly ready to push me back if he is announced as the winner.
Which he is not. The lady declares that my card has more on it.
“Haha, loser,” I say as he falls to his knees.
Throwing his hands up, he cries out, “Not the clown costumes!”
She looks at us like we are complete weirdos. If only she knew the half of it. Neither one of us cares as he continues on with the theatrics, and I dance.
In the end, I let him use my balance to buy himself a prize. It seems fitting since I got the real deal.
“I’m the queen of the virtual world,” I yell out in the parking lot.
He huffs and sighs the whole way to the car, and during the drive. Once we’re at my place, I don’t know if he is too upset to come in.
“Suck it up, buttercup,” I say, pulling him out of the car. I’m not ready for him to leave, so I don’t give him a choice. He doesn’t really stop me from dragging him into the house.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he grumbles, plopping down onto the couch.
I slide into his lap and hand him the remote so that he can put something on. Alerting him to the fact that we will now be pulling an all-nighter, I tell him to get comfy picking out our movies. He’s so happy that the date isn’t ending that he perks up from his defeated mood. I’m so happy to be spending time with him that it barely registers that I’ve agreed to be with him for at least twelve hours.
It seems like the best way to end this perfect date. The best one I’ve ever been on. Being lost with him, remembering what it’s like to be young, offsets the adult responsibilities of figuring out my future while fighting to have one. The fact that I won the chance to see him in a red nose and wig is the cherry on top. Once again, Callahan offers that distraction that lets me put everything to the side. I let myself relish in it all night.
Chapter 19
Callahanhasonlybeento Ireland a handful of times as an adult, but was still able to give me some suggestions for the little town we are staying in.
I had to fight the urge to invite him every day until I left. Now that I’m here, I’m still not sure of that decision. It’s been two weeks since our first date, and though I’ve only known him for about six months, he has somehow become an anchor in my life. So much so that even in these small moments, I think of him.
“Why are you staring off into the distance like your man went to war?” Farrah asks, waving her hand in my face.
“I’m not.” I smack it away, focusing back on her.
“Oh my god! You’re thinking about him.” Her voice, still too loud in a crowded bar, gets some stares. Not that we haven’t been being stared at all day anyway. That and fawned over for our accents.
“Stop it. I was actually thinking about this restaurant he recommended.”
“That still means you’re thinking about him.” She rolls her neck and pouts her lips.
