Fall apart. If he walks away from me just as I relax against him, I will fall and hit a ground I never thought I would see again. I told myself I would never go that low for someone, and yet here I am, only held up by his hand. If he lets go, what does that mean?
“I have to go.” I try to go around him, but he steps in front of me.
He leans forward and for a moment I think he is going to kiss me, but he just pulls me in for a hug. When he steps back, my arms and neck are covered in green.
“Ugh, Charlie!” I run to the bathroom to try and get it off my clothes before it stains. Scrubbing my clothes with a hand towel is how Callahan finds me.
“Get into a fight with an ogre, or should I be concerned?” He tries for a light tone, but his expression weighs the words down.
“Charlie gave me a hug.”
He just nods, an understanding instantly coming over him. Stepping forward to help me, we wash in silence for a moment. Every time he shifts towards me, I shift away, trying not to touch my skin against his.
After I realize smears are the best I can do without a washing machine, I step back.
“You good, love?”
I can’t make eye contact with him, like doing so will put me back under his spell.
“Yeah, just ready to get back.”
He goes for my hand, but I put both behind my back like a playground child before walking past him. He doesn’t say anything, but he slams the bathroom door behind him and then rushes up the stairs. He makes a beeline for the alcohol and starts to free pour it into his mouth. I watch, knowing I should go to him, but I’m so deeply rooted in my insecurities that I don’t. Instead, I look around at all of the chaos.
Luckily, Errol doesn’t remember anything when he is drunk, so he won’t have to live with the memory of him screaming pop songs while stripping on the island. Farrah is throwing actual cash at him, and Michael and Charlie are eating the pizza we ordered. I look for Rowan and Sahara, who are curled up together on the floor.
Callahan joins them, with the bottle still in his hands. His eyes are simmering with an emotion I’m too scared to name.
The rest of the night, he doesn’t try to talk to me again and goes upstairs to bed before everyone else. I decide I’m going to sleep on the couch in the living room, too much of a coward to even go and get pajamas.
After the others make their way to bed, I realize we haven’t seen Rowan and Sahara for a while. Just as I’m about to search for them,the back door slams shut. Sahara comes running through the kitchen. As she is about to pass me, I notice green around her mouth. I grab for her arm and stop her in place.
“You need to wipe that off,” I say, pointing to her lips.
She touches them, and when they come back green, she covers her whole mouth with her hand. Her eyes water a little before she makes a run for the bathroom.
I retreat the way she came, walking out onto the back patio. Rowan is sitting by the fire pit with the light reflecting off her smeared face.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
She doesn’t look at me, her eyes transfixed on the dancing flames. I slide into the seat next to her.
“Rowan?”
“What’s going on with you and my brother?”
“Huh?”
She sits up, this cloud taking over what little light I saw there. Her lips are pulled so thin it’s almost like she doesn’t have any.
“I told you he is sensitive. Yet, tonight, I watched as you completely ignored him. Do you know what that does to him? How that makes him feel?”
I sink into myself, wilting under her words.
“You don’t get to give half of yourself when he has been giving you everything from the start. He loves you with every fiber of his being, and you are just giving him pieces. And the worst of it is that no matter what I say, no matter how much I tell him he deserves better, he won’t walk away from you. ”
She stands up, and I grab onto her wrist. I want to apologize to her, but she is not the one I should be saying sorry to.
So instead I say, “She’s married.”
