Lloyd paused, then nodded. She sounded genuine, but could he trust her?
“I don’t know whether she offered you money or promotion or anything else, and to be honest I don’t really care. But sometime soon this thing is going to break—and break big—so everybody needs to get their story straight. It’s customary in these situations for those lower down the ladder to carry the can for the incompetence or corruption of those above them. But I don’t want that to happen here. I know who set this in motion. I’m only interested in her.”
“Okay,” Lloyd replied cautiously.
“I won’t lie to you, Lloyd. You’re on pretty shaky ground here. But there is a way you can save yourself and perhaps keep your badge.You may view it as an act of disloyalty, but it’s the only play there is. You have to turn her over to Anti-Corruption and tell them everything you know. Say you were pressured into it, say she threatened to sack you if you didn’t play ball. If you have to embellish a little to save your own skin, so be it, but you have to tell them the truth abouther.When she first came to you, what she asked you to do, when you first contacted DI Marsh.”
There it was. The first piece of solid evidence. It was tossed in casually by Charlie but had a devastating effect on Lloyd.
“I’ve spoken to Tom Marsh. Went up to his home in Bugbrooke. Met his wife too—Rose, nice lady. He’s going to cooperate to save his neck and I would strongly advise you to do the same. You’ve got until the end of the day to decide. You can drop me off here.”
Lloyd slowed the car quickly, bringing it to a halt in the bus lane. As Charlie exited, she said:
“Oh, and this conversation never happened.”
She slammed the door and hurried round the car to join the queue for the bus. Lloyd drove away quickly, his eyes scanning the street for CCTV cameras that might have picked up their exchange. Normally so cool under pressure, Lloyd was surprised to find now that his shirt was damp with sweat.
As he drove, he played out different situations in his head, each as bad as the last. Harwood had threatened to break him if he didn’t play ball. Now Charlie would throw him to the lions if he didn’t expose her. It was a lose-lose situation, but Charlie had forced the issue now and he would have to choose sides.
It was decision time.
114
This was usually a space he dominated. A place where he was in complete control. Which was why it felt so strange to be on the back foot now, to be standing, embarrassed and cowed, in front of her.
On hearing the familiar three rings of the buzzer, Jake had raced to open the door. He had expected Helen to avoid him for a while, to punish him with her absence, but here she was the very next morning. As she entered, her mood had been hard to read—she stared at the floor—but her first concern seemed to be for his well-being, which cheered him. She asked him about his injuries and he filled her in on his late-night trip to A&E. He’d had to have a few stitches above his eye, but the wound would heal quickly and there would be no permanent damage.
Helen was clearly anxious to be away, so Jake wasn’t surprised when she cut to the chase, demanding to know the full extent of hissurveillance. Jake decided to hide nothing from her—a full and frank confession was the very least she deserved—but as the details tumbled out, the depth of his feeling for her became painfully clear to them both. He hadn’t meant to get so involved with her—but he had—and now Helen wouldn’t look him in the eye as a result.
“Jake, I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for me—”
“Please don’t do this, Helen.”
Jake could see where this was going and wanted to stop Helen before she could articulate her decision.
“You have helped me more than you know,” Helen continued, unabashed. “More than I deserved. But we both know this has to end now.”
“Of course. We can go back to how we were, strictly professio—”
“I mean ‘we’ have to end,” Helen interrupted. “We’ve crossed a line that should never have been crossed.”
“Why shouldn’t we cross it?” Jake retorted, his swelling anger finally overcoming his sense of shame.
“Because I don’t want to. And it’s not fair on you to pretend otherwise.”
“That’s bullshit. I know you, Helen. You’re no different from anyone else, but you persist in pushing everyone away.”
Helen looked at him as if he were mad, but he had seen her vulnerability, her need for comfort and love—so surelyshewas the mad one?
“I’m sorry, Jake, but I’ve made up my mind. I don’t want to hurt you—that was never my intention—but I won’t be coming here anymore.”
“Then you’ll be on your own forever,” he spat back. He hadn’t meant to sound bitter, but he did nevertheless. “Because of your pride, because of your fear, you’ll be lonely for the rest of your days.”
As he spoke, he wrenched the front door open. Her very presence seemed to mock him now and he just wanted her out of sight. And as she departed, walking out of his life forever, he couldn’t resist one final shot.
“Good luck, Helen. You’re going to need it.”
115
