“I have news.”No,I thought.Please don’t say it.“I hooked up with Nate in the Firestone stacks last night. We knocked over a row of books and terrified a poor librarian!” I winced.
Trying to hide my disappointment I said, “That’s hilarious,” but I wasn’t laughing.
“What’s wrong?” Cecily gave me a confused look.
“Nothing,” I said quickly. “It’s just—it’s been a long week.”
“Oh, it has, hasn’t it? Well, I think I’m going to bring him home for Christmas to meet my parents. I hope my dad goes easy on him. I’ve never introduced him to a Black guy before.” I frowned at her. She studied me. “This time of year must be hard, being so far from your sister. You’re more than welcome to join us for Christmas if you want. You could bring someone too. Maybe Kevin Francis? What do you think?” Cecily asked. The thought of being at the St.Clairs’ Christmas with Nate and Cecily made my head spin.
“No,” I said quickly. “I mean, thanks, but I have a lot of reading to catch up on over the break. I’m actually looking forward to staying on campus this year.”
“Okay, well, let me know if you change your mind.”
Holiday break came and most people went home to visit their families, leaving the campus quiet and the snow-covered quad undisturbed. Having sent all my extra money back to my sister, I planned on watching Christmas movies to pass the time. I was watchingThe Nightmare Before Christmason my laptop and popping a bag of popcorn in the microwave when I heard something hit my window.Tap.I ignored it and had turned back to the movie when I heard it again.Tap.Annoyed, I paused the movie and walked over to the window.
To my surprise, waving from the ground below was Nate Banks.He threw another snowball at my window and it hit the glass with aclunk.My heart gave a little leap at the sight of him.
“What are you doing?” I yelled down to him.
“Change of plans, I’m back. Come down!” He grinned and threw another snowball. This time it hit the screen, spraying shards of snow into the room.
For the next two weeks, Nate and I saw each other every day. We shared hot apple cider in his dorm room, sledded down Whitman on dining hall trays, and ran to town in the middle of a snowstorm. Cecily would’ve been furious if anything happened.But we’re just friends,I told myself.We’re doing nothing wrong.
On the last night of winter break we were watchingSNLand sharing a bottle of cheap wine when Nate moved his hand so it was barely touching mine. I could no longer focus on the screen.
Nate leaned over and whispered in my ear. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Realizing my jaw had dropped, I closed it slowly and turned to face him.
Nate looked embarrassed. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have—” He moved back and pulled his hand away.
“No, no, it’s not—”I like you too,I wanted to say. But I couldn’t. I could barely breathe.
Was it my imagination or had he moved closer? He smelled of soap and sandalwood. His hazel eyes had tiny streaks of gold, and there was a tiny scar on his chin the shape of a fingernail-sized crescent. He was leaning in, about to kiss me, when without warning, I blurted out, “What about Cecily?”
“What about her?”
“Aren’t you guys dating?”
Nate shrugged. “We hooked up a few times, but we were never dating.”
I pulled away from him. “Didn’t you go home with her for Christmas?”
“I went for a night, because she told me it was a casual party with a lot of people. And when I got there, she acted like I was some kind of trophy she was bringing home to piss off her folks. I didn’t appreciate being used, and I told her that. Trust me. She knows it’s over.”
I hesitated. Even if that was the truth, I didn’t want to hook up with a friend’s ex…but on the other hand, I’d seen Cecily flirting with other guys. Daisy had said she wasn’t serious about Nate, and if things were reversed, would she really think twice about me?
Nate took my hand. His was warm and comforting. “Let me talk to her when she’s back. It’s going to be fine. I promise.”
Nate touched my bottom lip, and before I could stop myself, we were kissing. For a moment, the walls of the room seemed to vanish, and it was only the two of us, on this old futon in the middle of the snow-covered campus, and by the time my mind caught up to what my body was doing, it was far too late to stop.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Naomi
January 2023, four months before her death
It’s Friday night, and I’malone at my desk, researching the list of Greystone alumni involved in the Hunt scandal to see if any of them are connected to Lila Jones. I’ve started to grow paranoid that they’ll find out what we’re doing. That they’ll find a way to listen to our conversations. Zee is out, Amy is still not back, and I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been helping Amy all week, reading articles, talking to alumni under the pretense of “informational interviews,” and now my head hurts. An hour ago, I texted Liam asking if he wanted to get dinner, but he still hasn’t responded, so instead of waiting, I decide to go for a run.
