“It’s the new guy, isn’t it.” Liam’s expression darkens. He breathes out. “I hate that guy. What a fucking tool.”
My eyes snap to his. “What’s your problem?” And the moment bursts. I push myself to my feet and reach for my phone. But I stand too quickly and blood rushes to my head.
“Woah, where are you going?” Liam asks, catching my elbow. He positions himself between me and the door.
I try to move around him. I knew this was a bad idea. “I should probably go.”
“Stay.”
“I work the opening shift at the bookstore tomorrow.” When I move for the door, he grabs my wrist but then quickly drops it, shoving his hands into his pockets instead.
“Naomi.”
“Liam.”
Just before I leave, I look at him one last time where he’s leaning against the frame, watching me closely, and I desperately want to close the space between us.
“Why do you always do this?” Liam breathes out. He’s not angry, but I can hear the frustration in his voice.
“Do what?”
“Leave like this.”
I let out a disbelieving laugh and glare at him, trying to control my voice. “When you disappeared last spring, I called you every day…You didn’t even text me back. Notonce.” I’d never brought this up. The nights I’d spent worrying about him. The voicemails on his parents’ phone they never returned. “No one knew where you went. I thought—I don’t know what I thought…” My voice breaks as tears prick my eyes.
Liam breathes deeply. His jaw works, and I can tell he’s struggling. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“No?” My voice rises. After losing both my parents? After everything I’d told him?
“It was confusing.”
“You could have told me.” The pressure behind my eyes is painful, and I bite the inside of my lip, trying not to cry. “I didn’t want to lose you.” Now the tears come. Scraping them away, I push past him.
“Hey.” Liam catches my arm, gently. His face softens. “I didn’t want to lose you either.”
The air between us feels tense, and my face is flushed. I both regret everything and want him even more. We stand there, eyes locked, and when I can no longer stand it, I turn and walk away.
“I was here,” Liam says as I yank open the door at the end of the hall. There’s a deep sadness in his eyes. “Just know…I never left. I was always here.”
Chapter Seventeen
Maya
October 2011
Over the next week, Daisyprepped me on everything related to Sterling Club bicker, which was quickly approaching. I sat on her bed while she stood with a chart she’d made with printed photos of everyone in Sterling Club and what I should know about them.Jill and River have an open relationship; Amelie’s dad just got arrested for securities fraud; Everett is a genius, but he’s also addicted to coke.We went shopping, and when I gasped at the price tag, Daisy whispered,You can keep the tag on and return it after.
It was then that I realized Daisy wasn’t like them. She looked the part, but the Chloé purse she carefully kept in its original bag, the Byredo perfume she used until it was gone, the way she’d carefully apply her drugstore makeup. No. Daisy wasn’t from this world any more than I was, she was just better at pretending.
“Sterling is members-only tonight, Ivy is list, and TI is on pass, two of any color,” Daisy said.
She showed me their chest of multicolored paper tickets, which we’d use to get into the clubs that wereon passand notlist.We danced, drank beer, and ended the night with a giant bowl of microwaved ramen. During these nights, I became someone else. I shed the protective layer I’d hidden behind. I learned to let go, to dance, to flirt, to kiss strangers…and I felt freer than I’d ever been. I would do anything to keep feeling this way, to keep living this life…and that meant getting into Sterling no matter what.
—
One cool Saturdaymorning in mid-October, the weekend before bicker, I stood in Cecily’s room wearing a Princeton football uniform that was at least three sizes too big. Cecily adjusted the helmet as Kai and Daisy stood behind her with their fists to their chins, heads tilted to one side. I could barely see them past the cage of the helmet.
After fiddling with the chin strap, Cecily stepped back and joined Daisy and Kai with the same puzzled expression. “There’s something that doesn’t read ‘men’s football’ to me.”
