For the first time, I notice the fullness of his lips, the way one lock of hair refuses to stay in place, and his eyes, which I thought were black but are actually a deep, warm brown.
I’m normally not like this, but Ben’s confidence is tipping me off-balance. I’m suddenly conscious of how close we’re standing, the clean scent of his deodorant, the way his eyes won’t leave mine. I bite my lip and look away.
“Anyway,” Ben says, turning, and the tension between us eases slightly. “Is that your laptop? I love Studio Ghibli.” He juts his chin toward Amy’s laptop on her desk in the corner of the common room and the Totoro sticker I gave her.
“It’s my roommate’s, actually, but I like Studio Ghibli too.”
“Have you seenPrincess Mononoke?” Ben asks, and I shake my head. “Oh, we’ve got to watch it sometime. Miyazaki’s my favorite director. His mind is weird and brilliant.” I catch his use of the wordwe,and must have paused longer than is necessary because he points to the speaker and says, “By the way, who made this playlist? I don’t think I’ve recognized a song yet.”
“Woah…you don’t know Tems?” I throw him a mock-offended look.
He shrugs.
“This woman is singlehandedly changing the sound of R&B.” I throw up my hands and groove for a minute.
He laughs. “If you say so.”
—
I’m so intoour conversation that I don’t realize how late it is until the room is almost empty.
“We’re going to The Street!” Zee shouts, pointing to a tipsy-looking Amy wandering out the door in a birthday hat.
Zee’s friend Trey comes over, holding two yellow Cap & Gown passes, likely from Zee’s stash. “They said they’re heading to Cap.”
After nodding at Trey, Ben turns back to me. “You wanna get out of here?”
Chapter Seven
Maya
May 2023
I couldn’t sleep all night.over and over, I replayed the detective’s words:Drug use. Excessive drinking. An overdose.
But I know in my gut something’s not right, that there is more to the story. Naomi and I talked on the phone Friday morning. We’d agreed to meet at the Tenth Reunion tent. It doesn’t make sense that she’d go down to the lake alone instead.
The detective said the last person to see her was one of her roommates, Zalikah, but that was Thursday night. So what happened between then and Saturday?
Naomi didn’t drink alone; she’d even admitted once that she was worried about how often her ex did. She didn’t abuse her meds, not after she’d seen what that had done to Aunt Ella. It doesn’t make sense. None of it makes sense.
“Hey.” Nate sits on the bed and gently wakes me from my half-conscious state. “You’ve got to eat something.”
The scent of the food fills the room, a bagel and coffee, but the thought of eating makes me sick. The guilt I have, the feeling that I could have prevented her death, fills my stomach like a fist-sized stone.
I roll over and squint at him in the bright light. His normally vibrant hazel eyes look worried, his shoulders low, locs frayed around his hairline. “I can’t,” I tell him.
Pulling a pillow over my head, I roll away from the window, wishing I could disappear. I want to be back home in my own bed, but wedecided to stay in Princeton the rest of the week. My sister’s body was still at the morgue. I couldn’t just leave her. Leaving would feel like giving up.
I manage to drift off to sleep, and a few hours later, a cold, damp towel is placed on my forehead, like I do for Dani when she’s sick. When I feel her tiny hand reaching for mine, I break down. I have to keep going. My daughter needs me.
—
By Tuesday, Imanage to shower and walk to small World Coffee to meet Daisy, who stayed in case I needed anything.
I’m absent-mindedly scrolling through Twitter at the table while Daisy waits in line, looking for any mention of my sister, when I come across an article:Princeton Student Drowns Days Before Graduation. A Tragic Accident.
My hand shakes, blurring the text as I scan the comments:Please tell me this isn’t real. Rest in power, sweet friend. I’m so sorry to hear this.And one that catches my eye:When it’s one of us it’s an “accident.”It’s from a private account, @FWPhD. My whole body goes numb as I reread it.
