“Nate—”
“Go ahead,” he says, throwing the door open so it slams against the wall. I jump. “Go ahead. You want to leave? Leave.”
The room tilts. I place a hand on the wall to steady myself as I draw in a tight breath, the noise in my head growing louder.
Nate swears under his breath and grabs his suitcase.
“Wait—”
He doesn’t turn around. “I need to think.” He stops outside the door, turns around, but doesn’t meet my eyes. “I’m going to call AJ to pick me up. I’ll take Dani with me.” He throws the keys onto the bed. “Take the car home.”
—
I stand frozenin place after Nate leaves for what feels like an hour. We haven’t fought like that ever.
Fighting tears, I sink onto the bed and drop my face into my hands, completely and utterly exhausted. It’s as if I’ve been treading water in a rip current, barely able to stay afloat. A loud static fills my head, a knot in my throat that won’t go away.HadNate killed Matthew? And if he had…thenwhat? What was I supposed to do? As much as I want to know the truth…what good would that do? Because if the truth is that my husband murdered a man, even if that man killed my sister, then my whole world will fall apart.
It’s too hot. I can’t breathe.I need to get out of here.
Chapter Sixty-Four
Naomi
Thursday, May 25, 2023, one night before her death
The rain has stopped bythe time I get to the city. Ben meets me at the station and walks me to his uncle’s place, a modern loft in the West Village. It’s concrete and glass, stark and empty, with a Rothko painting on one wall and a security camera in the entryway. Far from the plant- and music-filled haven of Ben’s dorm room.
He notices me shivering and frowns. “Are you cold? I can turn up the heat.”
“I’m okay.” I wrap my arms around myself and try to stop shivering. Ben disappears into his uncle’s room and returns with a sweatshirt as I’m struggling with my suitcase.
“Let me get that.” He hands me the sweatshirt and takes my suitcase. “You can sleep here.” He nods at the guest room. “I’ll stay in my uncle’s room.”
In the kitchen, Ben fills a glass with water for me. When he opens the fridge, I notice it’s empty besides a jar of kimchee, condiments, and several bottles of Sapporo.
“Thanks,” I say, accepting the glass. “For this.” I gesture around. “It means a lot that you’d let me stay here.” Ben’s turned up the heat and it’s warmer now. He seems so comfortable in this space. I still can’t quite merge the image I have of Ben with the Ben that spent his high school years living in this cold house.
“Stay as long as you’d like…I’d stay with you if I didn’t have to go back to Singapore.” His face falls. He hesitates. “My dad had another stroke and it’s too much for my mom to deal with alone. I’m not even staying for graduation.”
I look up at him. “I’m so sorry.”
We fall silent, looking away, waiting for the other person to say something. Being here alone with Ben, I feel a tremor of what we had before…that thrill when I’d first started falling for him back in October. I don’t know what we’re doing, whether he can forgive me, but I catch myself wondering…
“Mind if I sit down?” I ask, moving toward the couch.
“Oh, yeah, go for it. I know it’s not exactly cozy, but make yourself at home.”
I take a seat on the couch and pull out my phone to see if Marta’s answered. She hasn’t. I sit back on the couch and sigh.
Ben slides into the chair across from me. “No luck?”
I shake my head. “I don’t get it. She seemed like she was going to help. And then…nothing.”
He touches my arm. “It’s going to be okay. You’ll figure it out.”
—
That night, Benand I try to talk about anything but the investigation. We put James Blake on his uncle’s record player and look through some 35mm stills Ben took of people around the city, trying to select the best ones. Ben explains that the girl who’d shown up to his game was a family friend whom his mother wanted him to marry, that they’d been off and on for over a year, and he’d tried to end things long before the soccer game. It makes me think of Liam and me…how the ends of relationships are often messierthan we want them to be…messier than people pretend they are.
