“You believe you were part of her ruination because of what you agreed to do.”
“I didn’t stop it. So yes. I was part of it.” She was silent for a long time and he forced himself to look at her. She seemed nervous, uncertain. He wanted her to understand. To see Julia in a positive light because they were the two people in the world who mattered most to him. “She’s more than her past,” he said softly.
“If you are in such staunch support of her, I cannot imagine otherwise.” She hesitated. “You care for her?”
His breath hitched. There was a question he’d been trying to avoid in his own mind and his mother laid it out before him. Laid out everything that went along with the answer.
“I do.” He was not unaware of the fact that declaration sounded like a marriage vow. “I…I care very deeply for her, Mama. I understand that might shock you, given your breeding and the life you’ve led as a gentlewoman. It must be hard to think that I could…could feel for someone whose path was so markedly different from your own.”
She pondered that a moment. “It is surprising to hear you speak of any lady with such feeling, dearest. You’ve never done so and I’m not under the illusion you haven’t had your dalliances over the years. But if you care for her, I think that must mean she is worthy of such emotion.”
He couldn’t help but think of Julia. “She is trying to find ways to arrange her life so that Grandfather’s threats won’t destroy her. To put herself out of his range of attack. But I fear that won’t be possible. That he will keep coming, no matter what, because he’ll see her very existence as a threat. And perhaps because hegets such pleasure out of cruelty. I don’t want to see her harmed. I don’t want to see her unprotected, not when I can do more to keep her safe.”
“More?” his mother whispered. “You sound as though you already have a plan.”
It was odd that her saying that made him realize he did. That perhaps he’d had that plan since the moment he’d opened his door and found Julia there on his doorstep, her eyes flashing with anger and passion. In that stolen moment in time he’d been fully aware that he’d been waiting for her his entire life.
“In the case of the ruination of a lady, the threat against a lady, there is an obvious solution,” he said, his voice cracking.
His mother got to her feet. “Are—are you talking aboutmarriage?”
He hated how incredulous she sounded, but he forced himself forward. “You know I am.”
Now that the words had been spoken out loud, it was like a weight had been lifted from his chest. What he wanted, it became so crystal clear, so powerful. The only thing keeping him from being perfectly certain was his mother’s shocked expression.
“Would you not be able to look past what she once was?” he asked.
She blinked and he could see her taking that question in. “I have hesitations, yes. This is all very shocking to me, the entire situation. But…but the fact is that when you speak about her, when you say you care for her…you have a look on your face that I’ve never seen before, Alexander. And I…I also understand that you would want to protect her and this would be one very strong way to do so. At least once your grandfather’s wrath was managed.”
He flinched. Managing the old man’s wrath would be a very difficult job. He certainly hoped that if he did make Julia his wife, the earl would not do anything to harm her
His mother shifted. “May I meet her?”
He drew a few long breaths to try to center himself. Right now he felt like he was spinning. “Mama?—”
“I would like to know her before I call her daughter.”
“To be honest, I’ve no idea if you ever will. I don’t know if she would agree to the idea,” he said. “She is very guarded.”
“It seems she would have good reason.”
“Yes. But if I could convince her, I would very much like you to meet her.”
His mother nodded, first slowly and then with more vigor, like she was fully convincing herself of the prudence of this action. “Good. I will make myself available any afternoon or evening that is convenient to her.”
“Thank you.” He sighed. “And I’m sorry that my actions are once again causing you grief.”
She took his hand. “Alexander, I have watched you live three decades trying to please you father, trying to please your grandfather, and never being given what you so richly deserved. If you have truly broken things with that side of the family, then Iamhappy for you. I also think that life is more complicated than the rules of Society may allow for. I’m not an entire stranger to some facts about this woman. It’s publicly known that her sisters have both married, one of them to an earl. If they can break away from what the paths life forced upon them…why shouldn’t she? And why shouldn’t you? Your happiness is what matters.”
He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her gently. “And so does yours. Come, let’s eat before everything gets stodgy from sitting too long.”
She let him end the conversation, returned to the table with him and the rest of the breakfast she only shared gossip from her stays with friends and family. He enjoyed his time with her.
And yet he couldn’t stop thinking about the future he had finally allowed himself to consider with a woman he’d come to care so deeply about.
CHAPTER 22
The second message from the Earl of Heathfield came a day after the first and was much more direct.
