But he didn’t know any of that and continued, “If you wish to find acceptance, you won’t find that in the family. My grandfather won’t ever allow it. You won’t get what you’re after in the end, and he may make things very difficult for you if you persist.”
“As opposed to you?” she asked, folding her arms.
He seemed surprised at that directness. “Miss Comerford?—”
“Oh no, please, if you’re going to imply I’m a gold-digging whore, I wish you’d call me Julia,” she said. “Don’t pretend you have any respect for me.”
She knew she shouldn’t speak to his man in this fashion. He had more power than she did. He also did have some influence on her fiancé. And yet she didn’t fear him.
He turned his face as if her words struck him. “Idohave respect for you. That has never been the issue. I do, however, also have eyes in my head. Why are you going forward with this union?”
“You already believe you know.” She threw up her hands. “Why pretend to ask?”
“Iamasking. I’m trying to understand. Is this all just for personal gain?”
Now it was she who stung because his question rang very true. She didn’t love Laurence. Since their arrival in the countryside, she wasn’t even sure if shelikedhim. And as for his feelings for her? They seemed even less certain. There was no connection and now that she wasn’t allowing him in her bed, he hardly seemed interested in her at all.
And yet she powered forward, moving toward a marriage because of exactly what Alexander Castleton accused her of. Shewanted the stability, the certainty that being this rich, powerful man’s wife would afford her. And she would sacrifice all else for it.
“Life is about personal gain,” she said.
Surprisingly his expression softened rather than turned disgusted that she would admit such a thing. “That is a very jaded view for one so young.”
“I’m older than you. Not in years, but in life,” she said with a shrug. “And you judge me, but what is the reason you invest, Mr. Castleton?”
He blinked. “I—what are you asking me?”
“You have given some huge sum of money to Mr. Danvers to invest in his ventures. Why did you do it?”
He shifted. “You don’t think that’s different?”
“No. You pour what you have into something to make it greater. To give yourself more. You might truly believe in the good it can do, or care about the outcome. But you aren’t being wholly selfless. You expect a return.”
His jaw set and he bent his head. “I can see what you’re saying.”
“Good. I would be a fool to stand before someone so obviously intelligent and say that I didn’t wish for a life of stability and safety and something better than what I have now. I want all those things and yes, your cousin can provide them. I refuse to apologize to you for my path, not the one before this moment and not the one after.”
She had said too much and the escape she’d hoped to find out on the terrace was long gone now that this man had come out and filled up all the space with his presence.
“Excuse me,” she murmured, and started past him toward the house. But before she could get far, he caught her wrist and gently tugged her back.
Now they were too close in the moonlight. She stared up at him, he down at her, and somehow the world shrank to just the space between them. She could feel the heat of him she was so close, smell the freshness of him, the masculine sandalwood and pine seduction of his skin and hair. He had a little scar on his upper lip, something so small one would have to be this intimately close to see.
“And what about connection?” he asked, his voice unbearably rough, like nails raking across skin in the best way. “What aboutlove, Julia?”
Alexander never should have asked the question. It wasn’t as if that was the objection to the union, at least not from his grandfather. The Earl of Heathfield couldn’t have cared less for love or passion or friendship between husband and wife. And yet it was impossible to look down into his woman’s upturned face and not wonder why she would walk away from the passionate affection both her sisters had so famously, even infamously, found.
Her lips parted but she didn’t pull away. The moment was already too close and now everything about it seemed to move into slow motion.
He had two realizations as they stood there, frozen in time on a terrace where they shouldn’t be alone. One was that he wanted her. Perhaps had always wanted her, from the first moment his cousin had dragged him across a room to meet her. She was just too beautiful, and being so close to her, feeling the pulse of her like just her magnetic presence was dragging him to her…that left any pretense that he didn’t want her vanished on the wind.
What was more shocking, though, was that she clearly wantedhim. Her pupils were dilated, her hands trembled, she kept staring at his mouth and then back at his eyes. Shewantedhim. Perhaps against her judgment, considering how handily she’d set him down a moment before. But there it was, as plain as anything he’d ever observed.
She tugged her hand away and dropped her gaze from his as the moment passed. “Love is for the lucky and the brave,” she said.
The door to the parlor opened before he could reply to that statement and they both jumped as they watched Julia’s aunt step outside. She looked at them, still standing close, although Julia took a long pace away from him.
“Er, Julia, Lord Castleton has been looking for you. Won’t you come back inside if you’ve concluded your conversation with Mr. Castleton?”
