“And I’ve been a dad for a year almost and I don’t know either,” Wade adds.
“Christ,” I mutter under my breath. “I’m fucking doomed then.”
“Do you have feelings for her? It always kind of seemed like you had a thing for her.” Nash side-eyes me.
I revel in a moment of silence before answering.
“There was a connection when I first met her. A draw. Like she’s the goddamn sun and I can’t help but want to be near her.” I struggle to get my thoughts out. “I’ve always felt, I dunno, protective of her. And maybe that’s not normal. But the way she fucking injures herself isn’t normal either.”
Nash chuckles. “I followed CeCe to Seattle once because I was worried about her safety. So no judgment here.”
He raises his hands in surrender and I quirk an eyebrow, though he offers nothing more as I stand. So does Wade.
“After the fire, we went our separate ways. But not because I didn’t want to know her better. I’m just not the man she’s looking for. She’s the town sweetheart, and I am … well, not that. Plus, I’ve never seen myself as the type to settle down.”
“Neither did I,” Nash says, “not until CeCe. With her it was different.”
His words resonate with me. Because in a way, that’s how I’ve always felt around Olivia.
“You must have some feelings for her?” Nash assesses.
I start cleaning up because I can’t sit still.
“How can you tell?” I grunt out as I load my drills into their cases.
“You wouldn’t be talking to us if you didn’t,” Wade pipesup.
I stop cleaning for a moment. “I have this nagging need to take care of her, to make sure she’s settled and happy. And, fuck, when I see her …”
Nash chuckles, moving closer to pat me on the shoulder. “That, my friend, is feelings.”
“Feelings or not, it’s best forherif we just stay friends.”
Nash doesn’t question my motives, just eyes me slowly. “A man’s past doesn’t define him, Asher.”
I nod curtly. “And I won’t let it hurt her either.”
“When is she due?” Wade cuts in. It’s the thing I like most about these guys. They never pry about my past.
“February.”
Quick calculations line his face. “Well, that tells me you’ve got about seven months, give or take, to figure all this out.”
I carry my drills and tool pouch to the door.
“In the meantime, just let yourself get to know her,” Nash offers with a shrug. “In case you haven’t noticed this about yourself, you aren’t exactly the easiest guy to get close to.”
I don’t answer.And for good reason.“We know you keep to yourself,” he continues. “And you keep your past buried under that prickly exterior. But this situation? It’s something entirely different, so maybeyouneed to do something different.”
I turn to face him.
“Let your guard down a little. It’s not easy, but take it from me: Demons from the past will haunt you if you let them.” Nash grabs a water from the fridge. “They’ll stop you from forming relationships, from living. And then the demons win.” He cracks the lid on his bottle as his words sink in. Something tells me he is speaking from experience.
“Let my guard down …” I repeat, registering his advice.
“Yeah. Just take as much off her plate as you can and the rest will work itself out,” Wade adds. “We’re all here for youboth.”
I nod; no one has ever “been there” for me, and the offer of help feels foreign.
