“No, it’s not that. You’ve been different since we got back to Chicago.” She slowly released her arms and took a small step closer to me. “I don’t know why, but I keep getting the feeling that I’m missing something.”
Oh, come on. Come. The fuck. On. Why does she have to be so goddamn observant?
I looked away briefly, trying to figure out how to navigate this without detonating the entire situation. “Things are just busyhere. Life is different, so I’m different, I guess. When we were at the estate, there was a lot less for me to focus on.”
She took another step closer, still looking directly into my eyes. “That’s not it.”
“No?”
“No.”
My instincts were screaming at me to say something safe. Something neutral. Something Jesse would say as naturally and as easily as breathing.
Instead, as I stood there staring into those crystal clear blue eyes, the exact color of the sky at the estate on the rare occasion the sun broke through, something else came out entirely. “I didn’t anticipate falling for you.”
Eliza eyebrows shot up and she blinked hard. “What?”
I rubbed both hands over my face and groaned. “I didn’t plan for this to happen, Eliza.”
A confused furrow appeared on her brow. “Jesse?—”
“I know I shouldn’t want it. I know it’s not something I can have, but here I am, wanting it anyway. Wanting it more than I’ve ever wanted anything before.”
Her breath caught slightly. “Want what?”
“You.” My heart was pounding now, my pulse slamming under my jaw while a cold sweat broke out along my spine.
Eliza stared at me, clearly trying to process what I’d just said, which was fair. I barely understood it myself, but now that the truth had slipped out, my self-control was hanging by a thread.
“This isn’t supposed to happen,” I said roughly.
She took yet another small step closer. “I’m not sure I understand.”
My body moved without conscious command, closing the distance between us in just one long stride. I caught her face in my hands and kissed her, apparently having decided that good decisions were optional tonight.
Stepping into her space, I crowded her until her back met the wall. I leaned into her, bracing one hand beside her shoulder and deepening the kiss. I could feel every soft inch of her against me, the heat of her body radiating despite the chill of the outside air on her skin.
Everything I’d been trying not to feel finally broke loose, and somewhere in the back of my mind, a quiet voice warned that this was a spectacularly fucking bad idea. Unfortunately, even though I knew that voice was right, I couldn’t seem to stop.
CHAPTER 26
ELIZA
Jesse devoured my mouth like he might never get another chance, which was absurd. We were getting married, for heaven’s sake, and soon.
So why does it feel like this is some kind of declaration before goodbye?
My head spun, but when his fingers flexed on my hips, I realized that I didn’t care. We had the rest of our lives together to figure out why he felt like wanting me was wrong. An entire lifetime of kisses just like this to convince him that it—this—was real.
Upon that realization, I finally brought my hands up to his neck and pushed my fingers into his hair, holding him to me as I parted my lips. He took immediate advantage, his tongue stroking into my mouth to deepen the kiss.
For just a moment, my thoughts quieted, even my confusion taking a backseat as I kissed him back with every ounce of the longing I’d been feeling these last few weeks. With his strong arms around me and the slight scrape of his day-old stubble against my skin, I pulled him closer, needing him to know that I didn’t want him to stop.
He groaned into my mouth and a shiver shot straight through me at the sound, lighting up all the parts of my body I’d been trying to ignore. But now that he was pressed flush against me, I was sandwiched between him and the wall and I felt giddy.
The boy I had feelings for was kissing me, hungrily, while he had one arm braced against the wall behind me, caging me in. This had never happened to me before, and it was a dream-come-true moment.
The fact that it was Jesse making it come true was absolutely scintillating. Tingles sped through my entire body as I melted into him, winding my arms around his neck and folding him as close to me as I could get.
