“No, because I’ve already spoken to everyone at the castle.”
Her eyes flew wide open. “You did what?”
“I talked to Miriam. George. Half the staff, actually.”
“You… why?”
“Because someone needed to be able to reassure you that the world wouldn’t collapse without you. Everyone knows exactly what to do while you’re gone and that you’re only a phone call away if they desperately need you. I also spoke to your father and he confirmed it. They’ll take care of the place while you’re gone. You have my word and theirs.”
Her expression softened slightly, her eyes lowering slowly to the floor. I saw her chest rise on a deep inhale and then deflate again. When she looked back up, she still just seemed so damn tired that I couldn’t take it anymore.
This didn’t look like the kind of tired that came from missing a few hours of sleep last night. It seemed deeper, like the kind of tired that came from carrying too much for too long.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I was moving toward her, closing the distance between us and catching her face in my hands. I knew damn well that this was my brother’s future wife, but I couldn’t stand seeing her so tired and so stressed.
In this moment, I wasn’t Jesse. I was Will and she was my perfect match. Not my twin brother’s, but mine. So I stepped forward and kissed her soundly, not just a polite little performance at the dinner table, but a real kiss, deep, and hot, and fucking meaningful.
Because she should be mine and I wanted her to know it. My hand slid to her waist while the other brushed lightly along her jaw, tilting her face up toward mine.
For a second, a small, reckless part of me wished she’d saymyname. Not Jesse’s, but mine. I knew better, though, and I’d take what I could get. When I eventually pulled away, the air between us was charged and heavy.
Eliza hesitated for just a beat. Then she leaned forward and kissed me back, and I forgot all about Jesse, the arrangement, and even that she would never be mine. Right now, it was just me and her and I was damn sure going to take the opportunity to kiss her the way I’d been wanting to since the very first time I’d met her.
CHAPTER 20
ELIZA
I’d been kissed before. Not often, but it’d happened.
Unlike Winnie, I hadn’t been spending my weekends here in London since I was a teenager. Mostly remaining at the estate had seriously limited my opportunities for romantic encounters. There had been a boy from the village once and a visiting Earl’s son, but both courtships had been brief and rather lacking in passion.
The only things I knew about true passion, about true connection and how itshould be, I’d learned from my books. Those, of course, weren’t real life either, but I imagined the authors wrote from a personal place sometimes as well.
Still, I’d never experienced any of it firsthand until Jesse had kissed me the other night. For the first time, I’d felt tingles, butterflies, and a deep-seated longing I hadn’t quite known what to do with. Even that kiss, however, had been nothing like this.
For a second, I forgot how to breathe, but when his mouth lifted away from mine, the only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted more. This was the man I was marrying as well as the man I had a strong suspicion I was falling for. I couldn’t let him go just yet.
His arms were wrapped around my waist, steadying me as he held me to him. A good thing, since I was relatively certain I would have swayed if he hadn’t been holding me upright, but more importantly, it also made it easier for me to just lean in.
The scales inside me tipped in favor of simply giving myself to him, and I pressed my lips to his, silently letting him know. Although it wasn’t a decision as much as a reaction, like my body had been waiting for permission I didn’t realize I’d been withholding.
His mouth found mine again instantly, like he’d been hoping I would meet him halfway. The kiss deepened and my stomach swooped even as my pulse raced. His arms tightened slightly at my waist, drawing me even closer, and I felt the solid warmth of him through the fabric of my dress.
My hands rose without conscious instruction, curling into the front of his shirt. I knew we should probably stop. My father was somewhere in this house and we weren’t married yet, but Jesse had closed the door and the thought of waiting floated harmlessly at the back of my mind, faint and easily ignored.
I was no virgin and I was sure he wasn’t either. If neither of us had been saving ourselves for marriage before, I supposed there was no reason to suddenly start doing it now. Particularly not because this felt so easy. Like my body had always been meant to fit against his this way and I just hadn’t known it before.
A quiet sound escaped me and the effect it had on him was immediate. One of his hands came up to cradle the side of my face and his thumb brushed along my cheek as if he couldn’t quite believe I was still here.
The kiss shifted into one a lot less careful and more searching, and I pressed myself up against him, melting. My heart hammered against my ribs and long dormant parts of my anatomy woke up with the heat of him surrounding me.
Jesse let out a quiet groan when I tugged him closer, walking us backward until I was pressed against the wall. There was no hesitation or awkwardness in either of us, no sense that this was the first time we were truly alone like this.
Instead, it felt alarmingly natural to surrender myself to him, to take, and to give, and to feel the hard ridges of his body plastered against my own. My fingers slid up into his hair, and when I tightened my grip, he made another low sound that sent a strange, electric shiver down my spine.
He kissed me harder then, deeper, his tongue stroking into my mouth and exploring all the little parts in a way no one had ever done before. Jesse wasn’t a boy fumbling around in the dark or a visitor who moved like he could be pulled away at any moment.
Tantalizingly, everything about him right now seemed deliberate. Intentional. It kind of made me feel like he was saying,I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Ever.The solid heat of his body moving against my own made time blur at the edges, my very existence boiling down to the strength of his hands and the growing, undeniable realization that I wanted this.
