Again.
Jesse looked different dressed so casually, however, more like I imagined he would on a lazy day at home, and for a moment, I wondered if we might have some of those together. Naturally, my errant thoughts made the tension between us even thicker than before. We just looked at each other, not quite staring but not quite comfortable either.
Finally, I cleared my throat. The cart Miriam had sent was still waiting beside the sofa and I motioned toward it. “If you’re hungry.”
He glanced at it, then back at me, a knot forming at the back of his jaw and disappearing a few times before he finally shook his head. “That’s okay. I should get back to my room.”
Part of me wanted to say he should stay, which was an extremely alarming realization, but he was right.I suppose.
“Yes,” I said lightly once I’d gotten over the slight stab of disappointment. “That’s probably wise.”
Another awkwardly tense beat later, I stepped toward the door and gave him directions to the guest wing of the castle, knowing he’d wind up wandering all night otherwise. “You’ll want to go down the main corridor, take the second staircase to the right, and then straight through the gallery with the blue tapestries.”
Beside me, he nodded. “Got it.” He lingered like he might say something else, but in the end, he simply offered me a small, almost tense smile. “Goodnight, Eliza.”
“Goodnight, Jesse.”
With that, I opened the door and he strode out, leaving me watching him walk down the hallway until he disappearedaround the corner. For what felt like the first time since I’d woken up, I exhaled a full, proper breath of air and drew in another.
Bloody hell. What on earth is going on with me?
Mentally, I was already running through the list of what I had to do.Eat. Take a shower myself. Brush my teeth at least four times. My mouth tastes like hell. Change into a nightdress. Go to sleep.
Yet, I couldn’t force my body to do any of those things. Instead, I headed toward the fireplace and simply started pacing. I was used to being in control. Being in charge of my schedule, my responsibilities, and my life, but Jesse had stepped up today when he didn’t have to.
Without asking or hesitating, he’d taken over my entire agenda, working alongside Miriam to give me a break when I’d needed one most. This had officially been my first hangover and I wasnotkeen to repeat the experience.
However, it also hadn’t been the first time he’d looked at me and somehow knew exactly what I needed without me having to say it out loud. There had been that night in the bar back in Chicago and last night in my father’s study. Those were the incidents that stood out, but there had been dozens more.
Moments when he’d spoken up just as I was at a loss. Times when he’d kept silent, simply encouraging me to say my piece. It dawned on me then that he was taking care of me in a way no one else ever had, and I was letting him. Moreover, I was enjoying it. It made me feel warm, safe, and comforted.
Am I supposed to have feelings for my fiancé in this situation?
I honestly had no idea what to think, but I knew for an absolute fact that Jesse was treating me exactly the way I’d always dreamed a man would. He was also intelligent and witty, and he certainly wasn’t a pain to look at.
But more than anything else, the way that my heart and body reacted around him said that perhaps I already had feelings for him. Regardless of whether it was proper or acceptable under the circumstances or not.
CHAPTER 17
WILL
The morning after I’d very nearly lost control of myself and kissed her again in that bathroom, I caught up to Eliza as she was pulling on her rain boots to take her walk. Holly and Maeve were already ready, sitting in front of the door with their ears perked and their tails wagging.
“Good morning,” I said enthusiastically, sticking out one of my feet to show her I had come prepared. “Do you mind if I join you?”
She blinked at the shoes a little in surprise, but quickly regained her composure as she brought her gaze up to mine. “You’re wearing the wellies. Willingly.”
“Yeah, well, Aaron and I gave a tour yesterday. Well, actually, Aaron gave it. I just tagged along, but anyway, I had to double back for these. It made me realize you might’ve been right about my other boots.”
“Of course, I was,” she mused out loud, a slight smirk just starting to form on her lips before her face suddenly fell. “Wait. What?Yougave a tour?”
“No, Aaron did.” I grinned, but then I realized the color was rapidly draining from her cheeks. Clearly, that hadn’t been good news. “Miriam tried to stop us, but the old ladies visitingfrom America were too nice to say no to and they enjoyed my company while Aaron showed us all around. He’s very knowledgeable. Nothing to worry about.”
She held my gaze for a long beat, but when she seemed to realize I was being serious, she relaxed. The tension eased from her features and she even managed to give a smile. “I’m sure they did enjoy your company, but the real question is whetheryouenjoyed Aaron’s tour.”
“I loved it,” I said without even having to think about it. “I mean, the one you gave me was better. Way more extensive, but it was cool to see the castle and the estate as a tourist.”
She chuckled, seeming pleased as she finally finished pulling on her boots and stood. Those light blue eyes were bright and happy again this morning, her hair pulled into a loose, high ponytail and a heavy-duty raincoat cinched tight around her waist.
