“Because I’m an idiot,” he said immediately. “I’ve been a complete and total idiot, Eliza. Consistently and so impressively that I’m practically a professional idiot at this point.”
Despite everything, a small, traitorous part of me wanted to laugh at how unexpectedly self-aware that was. Under any other circumstances, I might’ve, but this was so complicated that even though it was good to know that his sense of humor was intact, it only made me feel worse.
“You really should not have come, Will. I?—”
“I love you,” he said, those semi-famous Westwood blue eyes locked on mine, blazing with intensity. “I’m in love with you, Eliza Roderick.”
He took a small step forward. “I should’ve said it back that night when you told me, but I didn’t want to because I knew you would never be mine.”
Utterly speechless, all I could do was stare back at him. “When Jesse and I came here all those years ago, I was fascinated with you even though we never even got to talk much. I knew it from the very beginning that you were it for me, Eliza. Hell, I knew it even before that. I never forgot about you, and when you suddenly walked right into my life, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to let you go.”
What? That can’t be true, but that’s also not really the issue right now.“It’s not that simple, Will. You can’t just fly out here, tell me you love me, and then expect… what, exactly?”
“I know. I know it’s not that simple. I just wanted you to know because it’s the truth and you deserve nothing but that from me. God, you deserve so much more than just that, actually. You deserve the entire world on a silver platter andeverything your heart desires, but at the very least, you deserved to know that it was real for me too.”
Rain still dripped from his jaw, running down his temples from the ends of his hair, but he didn’t move to wipe it away. “I lied to you. I let you believe I was someone else and then I kept lying because every time I tried to stop, it felt like I was going to lose you if I did.”
I swallowed hard. “That doesn’t make it better.”
“Yeah, I know, but I’m not trying to make it better, because nothing can. I don’t want you to forgive me for this, Eliza. That’s not why I came here and it’s not why I’m telling you this.”
I frowned. “What?”
“I don’t deserve it. After everything I’ve done, I’m not even sure I deserve the opportunity to tell you how I feel. I lied to you about who I was for weeks. I betrayed your trust. You let me in and I took advantage of that.”
I shook my head slightly, my chest aching. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. If you’ll just let me finish, that’s so much more than I could ever ask for. I don’t expect you to forgive me,” he repeated, the sincerity in his tone bringing tears to my eyes. “I don’t expect you to look at me the same way again or to trust me. Honestly, I don’t expect anything from you at all.”
His hands flexed at his sides like it was taking real effort for him to keep them there, but his eyes never left mine. “I just want you in my life, Eliza. However you’ll have me. I don’t care what that looks like or if it’s not what I want it to be. I just can’t walk away from you.”
My heart was thumping louder than the rain against the roof, my eyes stinging, and my hands trembling, but still, he wasn’t done. “It was never just business for me and I know how wrong it was to get involved at all, knowing that I felt the way I did, butonce the ball started rolling, I couldn’t bring myself to even try to stop it, if having it in motion meant even one more hour with you.”
I closed my eyes briefly, that memory hitting before I could stop it, the questions he’d asked, the way he’d listened, and how it’d always felt like he’dseenme. For another second, I just stood there with my heart racing, his words echoing through my head.
“You’re an idiot,” I said softly after taking a minute to think it over.
The corners of his mouth twitched. “I’ve been told.”
I nodded. “You lied to me.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t trust you,” I said. “I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to able to do that again, and I’m still really angry with you.”
“That seems fair.”
I exhaled, my fingers tightening against the stone behind me like I needed it to keep me upright, which might well have been the case. I wasn’t entirely sure at this moment. It sort of felt like I was having an out-of-body experience, and yet, looking into those blue eyes, I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I sent him away right now.
Without overanalyzing or even really thinking about it, I suddenly let go of the stone and closed the distance between us, grabbing the front of his shirt and pressing my lips to his. The kiss was everything I’d been holding back crashing into him all at once, a maelstrom of hurt, anger, relief, and even love.
The sensation of his body against mine was so achingly familiar it made my chest feel like it might split open. To his credit, Will didn’t grab me right away. In fact, at first, he didn’t even react at all, like he hadn’t expected this and wasn’t sure what to do now that it was happening, but when I leaned into him ever so slightly, he snapped into motion.
One of his hands slid to my waist while the other came up to cup my jaw, anchoring me, and he kissed me back just as hard. His wet clothes soaked into everything, but I didn’t pull away.
After a few bruising kisses, his mouth softened against mine. The intensity morphed into a moment that felt deeper, like he was trying to memorize this. Us.
My fingers curled tighter into his shirt when I leaned into him. My breath caught as he tilted his head, kissing me until my knees became slightly unreliable. By the time we finally broke apart, we were both breathing hard.
