He kept peeking at me through the hair that was now hanging across his forehead, holding my gaze before he swiped his tongue across his lips and nodded. “I promise.”
It cracked my heart—or whatever was left of it—into pieces when I realized that I believed him. It was a good thing,obviously. It meant she would be okay, she’d be safe, and hell, she might even be loved eventually.
Just not by me, but it looked like that was something I was going to have to learn to live with.
“I’ll do my best to be as good of a husband to her as I can be,” he said finally. “I really am sorry this happened. I was a jackass. I didn’t think you’d wind up getting hurt, and if I could take it back, I would.”
Funny, I’m not sure I would.But I didn’t say it, just nodding instead. “Thanks, but I don’t believe you.”
Jesse blinked, clearly caught off guard. “What?”
“I don’t think you’d take it back, Jess. I’m not saying you meant for this to happen, but I don’t think you even considered that it could. I don’t think you considered me or even Eliza much at all.”
He kept looking at me, but again, he didn’t argue, rolling his lips into his mouth and inhaling a deep breath instead. “You might be right about that.”
I scoffed. “I know I’m right. I’ve taken the fall for you my whole life and I’m not blaming you for it. It was what it was. I just don’t think I can do it anymore.”
“I never asked you to.” The way he said it wasn’t defensive or dismissive. He was simply stating the truth. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I did and I know it might be too little, too late, but I’m going to be better from now on.”
I held his gaze. “That’d be good, Jess. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.”
It didn’t feel like enough, but it was all I had. We couldn’t undo this or go back to before any of it had happened, but maybe we could both do better in the future.
After swigging down the rest of his water, he pushed to his feet. “Okay, well, I’m glad we got to talk, but I should go. I don’t want to be late.” He hesitated for a second, like he wanted to saysomething else, but instead, he just stepped forward and pulled me into a quick, firm hug. “I love you, bro.”
“Love you too, Jess.” I sighed but hugged him back before pulling away. “Don’t screw this up.”
“I won’t.” He shot me a half-smile before he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door, not looking back as he opened it and disappeared, off for his very first date with the woman he was marrying.
Meanwhile, I was still sitting in front of a stack of takeout menus, resigned to being heartbroken for the rest of my life. For just a second, I considered calling him and telling him to stop, not to go, to walk away from this entire thing and to let her go.
But I couldn’t do that to her. Eliza meant too much to me to be that selfish. She needed this marriage and I wasn’t about to take that away from her just because I couldn’t get my head on straight.
I genuinely didn’t know how I was going to get through this, but I’d made my bed. Now it was time to sleep in it. Alone. Forever, if I had anything to say about it.
CHAPTER 40
ELIZA
Isaw Jesse—the real one—the second I walked into the restaurant. He was sitting at a table near the window, and I knew it was him rather than Will because this man looked like he’d rather be somewhere else. Anywhere else.
As I slowly made my way closer, I took the time to really look at him, studying the slight differences between him and his brother. After what had happened, it seemed important that I learn what distinguished them.
Most people probably wouldn’t notice these things, but they were suddenly so obvious to me that I couldn’tnotsee them. Something in the way he held himself was looser and slightly more restless. He took a sip of water, put the glass down, checked his watch, turned his wrist back, looked out the window, then back down at the menu.
Will was much calmer than Jesse appeared to be. I paused for half a second, not at all ready for how emotionally catastrophic this dinner was sure to be. It was a form of cruel and unusual punishment, having to eat with a man who looked so very much like the one I loved but wasn’t him.
Jesse looked up as I approached, and for one confusing moment, my brain tried to reconcile the face in front of me withthe fact that thiswasn’thim. I internally groaned.Gosh, this is really going to suck.
“Hi,” I said as I pulled out the chair across from him and sat down. “Thank you for agreeing to meet me, Jesse.”
“Hey.” My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice, also so familiar and yet also so different. “Yeah, of course. I’m glad you suggested it, actually.”
Same voice. Same face. Completely different person.
We stared at each other for a beat, both of us clearly waiting for the other to say something that would magically make this less awkward, but that didn’t happen. Finally, he leaned back in his chair and let out a pained-sounding sigh. “So, this is something, huh?”
I almost smiled, but I couldn’t quite get there. “If you mean something extremely odd and awkward, then yes.”
