I scoffed and shoved both hands through my hair, turning in a slow circle right there on the sidewalk. “Then how?”
“By giving her time to breathe. By not chasing her down when she can’t even think straight.”
I didn’t like that answer. Not at all, actually, but I also knew he was right. Meanwhile, it was starting to feel like the gray sky itself was starting to fall, like the buildings were closing in on me. “I love her, Nate. Right now, she thinks it was all a lie. That it was all pretend, but it wasn’t. I fucking swear.”
“I know, but look, I’ll find out where Kate took her,” he said. “I’ll keep you in the loop. I promise. You just need to get it together. There’s nothing you can do right now.”
I held his gaze, but Nate didn’t make promises he couldn’t keep. He also didn’t give advice he didn’t truly believe in enough that he’d take it himself. Sheer, unbridled agony tore through me at the thought of not doing anything at all to fix this right thefuck now, but everything about her and me so far had been on terms neither of us could control.
At least I’d known that. The same wasn’t true for Eliza. I had to do this, at least, on her terms.
“Fine,” I muttered. “I’m not waiting long, though.”
“You won’t have to.” He clapped a hand on my shoulder again, sort of ending it in a light shove toward the parking garage this time. “Now go home.”
I snorted. “What? No.”
“You’re no good to anyone standing out here spiraling,” he said. “Go home. Get your head straight. I’ll let Alex and Jesse know what happened.”
Everything in me wanted to either argue or ignore him entirely, but the truth was that I felt so drained right now, I had nothing left to fight with. I felt completely empty, like my whole world had been ripped away right along with my soul.
“I’ll take care of it, Will,” he said quietly. “Trust me. Just go home, okay?”
I nodded lamely, finally forcing my feet to move. I didn’t even bother going back to my office to grab my stuff. My phone was in my pocket, and that was all I needed.
Just in case either Nate or Eliza had to get hold of me. The rest of it, I didn’t give a shit about right now.
When I stumbled into the townhouse, the lights were off and the kitchen was quiet. No scent of homemade food lingered in the air. No sounds greeted me from the living room. It felt so wrong that I almost turned around and left again, but if either of them needed me, this was where they’d come looking.
Even though the sky had darkened so much outside that it looked about six hours later than it really was, I didn’t bother with lights or taking off my shoes. I just walked straight down the hall and pushed open the bedroom door, walking into the space that had somehow become ours instead of just mine.
Eliza’s things were still sitting on the dresser and the vanity in the ensuite, her shoes still standing neatly beside mine in the closet. I stumbled through the space feeling like I’d entered some kind of twilight zone, dropping onto the mattress face-first.
For a second, I just lay there, staring into the bedding, but when I finally turned my head, the first thing I saw was her pillow. Reaching for it immediately, I dragged it against my chest and held it close. It still smelled like her, the faint scent of her shampoo and perfume clinging to the fabric.
“Jesus,” I muttered, pressing my face into it.
This is so fucking pathetic.
But I didn’t care. I just stayed there, hugging her pillow and mentally replaying every moment we’d spent together since that day at my dad’s house. I hadn’t even been supposed to be there until I’d been summoned at the last minute.
I remembered every laugh, every touch, and every time her eyes had lit up in wonder. I thought about seeing her emerge from those trees back in England, Holly and Maeve happily trotting beside her. Fiercely wishing we could just go back to that time, I closed my eyes and wondered how I was ever supposed to just put this behind me and move on.
Fuck, how am I supposed to go to the wedding and watch my brother marry her?
Eventually, that was the thought that made me force myself up.I need a drink.
I couldn’t do anything for Eliza right now. I couldn’t even call Kate to make sure my girl was okay, because she wasn’t my girl. I couldn’t do anything for myself. I couldn’t do shit except for wallow in my own misery and try to live with the mess I’d made.
The pillow came with me when I left the room, heading straight for the bar. I poured myself a stiff drink, leaned against the counter, and hugged her pillow to my chest. It was almostcompletely dark at this point, both inside and out, but I still didn’t reach for the lights.
I didn’t move much as I sipped my drink, trying to come up with a way to make this up to her. Not to convince her to forgive me or anything. I just owed her.
Understatement of the year, buddy.
Eliza deserved so much better than me. So much better than my brother. So much better even than her own godforsaken family.
I sighed, no closer to an answer than I had been when I’d gotten home. The front door eventually clicked open, but as much as hope tried to worm its way in, I didn’t even turn around. It wasn’t her.
