Jesse stiffened above me as soon as it started subsiding, moaning my name as he thrust one last time. I felt his release deep inside, wishing for an illogical second that there was nothing between us, but then he rolled off me in the aftermath, bringing me with him and holding me in his strong arms.
I lay half-curled against him with my head resting on his chest as his heartbeat settled into a slower rhythm. His arm was around me, his fingers absently tracing patterns along my shoulder like he wasn’t entirely aware he was doing it.
Staring at the rise and fall of his chest, I listened to the slight thudding of his heartbeat beneath my ear and let the truth wash over me. Jesse was keeping things from me. Big things, probably. Important things.
I knew that for a fact but there was something else I knew beyond any doubt as well. That was even more important to me right now.
“I’m in love with you,” I said softly.
Whatever he wasn’t telling me, and however messy and confusing things had been since our return to Chicago, I believed in us. I felt his chest stop moving beneath my head for a few long seconds and I looked up at him, finding him already staring down at me.
Something in his expression didn’t match the moment, though. He seemed surprised more than anything else, but even that didn’t last long before his features turned sharper. Almost like he was hurt.
My chest tightened faintly, my pulse suddenly kicking against my veins. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
He blinked away the hurt like he hadn’t meant for me to catch it. His hand resumed its movements against my skin and he leaned his head back on the pillow. “Everything is going to be okay, Eliza.”
I frowned. “It’s not okay now?”
“No, but it will be,” he said quietly. “I’ll make sure of it. I promise you.”
That didn’t make sense, but the way he’d said it, with such certainty and determination, allowed me to settle into him anyway. It wasn’t the response I’d wanted to hear to my confession, but I’d also known that there was something going on.
Perhaps that same something was making him feel like he had to hold back for now, and that was okay. I let out a small breath, letting my eyes shut. I shifted closer, tucking myself into his side. He tightened his arm around me and it didn’t take long before I felt myself drifting off to sleep.
Despite the questions and all the things I didn’t understand, I knew I was safe with Jesse. Certain that we could find our way through anything together. He would tell me what was going on eventually. He just wasn’t ready yet and I could be patient.
All of this, the engagement, the trip to England, and the wedding, had been sprung on both of us so abruptly. But he’d navigated it all with such ease until now that I could stand by his side as steadily as he’d stood by mine so far, even if it meant having to wait a little while to find out exactly what was going on behind the scenes.
CHAPTER 35
WILL
Iwas halfway to the door when the floorboard creaked behind me.Fuck.
My eyes slid shut, like maybe if I didn’t see her, she wouldn’t have caught me trying to sneak out. “You’re leaving without saying goodbye?”
Wincing at how fast she’d put it together, I abandoned any hope of trying to talk my way out of it and turned to face her. Eliza stood at the bottom of the stairs, barefoot with her hair sleep tousled and her gaze still half unfocused.
She looked so comfortable here in my house and I suddenly felt a dull ache start in my chest. Just seeing her so at home here was going to make this significantly harder than it already was. I’d let her settle in just as surely as I’d let everything fucking else happen.
“I wasn’t sneaking out,” I said, hoping to keep the emotions out of my voice. “I just didn’t want to wake you and I have to get to the office early today.”
“You weren’t going to leave a note?” she asked halfheartedly, stretching her arms above her head and stifling a yawn.
As she stretched, her pajama top rode up a little and I caught a glimpse of her stomach, a band of smooth skin just above herwaistband that made me want to drag her right back to bed. Finally, as her arms lowered, I wrenched my eyes back to hers.
“I’m not a note person, but I am adaptable, so if you like notes, I can start leaving them.”
She took the last few steps slowly, walking closer while studying me in that quiet way she had, noticing things without making a big deal of it. “It looks like you’re dressed for war. Should I be concerned?”
I glanced down at myself, realizing for the first time that I was wearing a black shirt with a pitch black suit and tie. “There’s only cause for concern if you’re planning to attend. If not, you have nothing to worry about.”
“I’ll pencil it in,” she quietly. “Are you sure you’re okay, though? I know there’s something going on with you, Jesse. If you don’t want to talk to me about it, that’s fine, but I would like to know whether I need to worry about you.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “Things at work are just worse than they have been in a while. We tend to go through phases at W&S, and between the wedding and the baby being due, we’ve just got a lot on our plates.”
At least that was true, but Eliza still searched my face like she was deciding whether to push further. Then she nodded. “Okay.”
