‘You’re the main character.’ I don’t know how many ways I can say it. ‘Rachael, this is one of your eight other lives. It’s the one where it’s meant to be you and me.’
‘Okay, okay, Beckham,’ she says. Her voice is softer now. ‘More than okay.’
‘Two things can be true, can’t they?’ I ask. ‘We can miss her—and love this?’
She nods. ‘I hope so! Because I can’tnotlove you, Fraser Miller. Believe me, I have tried.’ She kisses me again, convincingly, delivering a trailer for the next fifty years, and I can’t believe that I have been this unlucky, and this lucky, in one lifetime.
Afterwards, she glances at the passport paperwork, playing with Audrey’s pendant.
‘Still hankering for Ireland?’ I ask her. ‘Life Number Three?’
I pick up the remaining photo to certify, but she puts her hand on mine.
‘Would Maggie approve a shorter holiday, do you think?’ she asks, blue eyes sparkling with an idea. ‘Does Parker have a passport?’
‘She does. And I’ll talk to Maggie. But that reminds me, Rach, are you free tonight?’
‘I don’t know,’ she replies. ‘My stupid diary is full of placeholder events.’
I laugh. ‘Can I take you to a concert?’
She smiles.
‘With my ex-wife?’
58
AUDREY
I cannot sit at this table and watch Harlow acting out one of the most intimate scenes from my own life. She’ll probably clamber onto the table, pretending it’s Beau’s ute, and show us the bit where I gave him everything.
No notes, the script says. I mean, does he honestly have so little respect and so many tickets on himself he thought to include every single moment of that exchange?
Istormout. Beau follows me. Harlow tries to follow him, but he begs her to give us space and I ambreathlesswith rage.
‘I have some notes foryou, Beau,’ I bite out. ‘The moment on that clifftop wasn’t ours. It didn’t belong tous. It wasn’t yours, just to cheapen and give away to the world like this. It wasmine.’
Words from years ago storm in and meet my current situation, rotating like two giant weather systems, gathering force.Josh, you know this is mine. How could you have sold me out like this?
I imagine the clifftop scene playing out on the big screen, sweeping drone footage over the ocean … and the way I wouldloveit if it wasn’t lifted from my own life.
‘Audrey, let me explain!’
‘I know this feeling. I’ve felt it before. The plunging of shock when you realise someone has taken somethingsacred.’
Staring at him, I am right back where I was at twenty-two, reeling against the brazen thievery of the most personal part of my psyche. My music. Heknewthat, and now he’s taken from me something even more layered and personal. The most vulnerable moment of my life. And shared it with twenty people in that room, with the intent to share it withmillions.
‘Were you going to take my music, too?’ I scream. ‘Even knowing what you know? Is that why you recorded me in the rehearsal room?’ My fury is galloping. I am appalled, not only at what he has done but at myself, for letting him in, giving him the chance. ‘YouknewI’d been deeply betrayed in the past. You knew this was my hottest trigger point. You knew how much it took for me to open up to you about Fraser and this song. You saw me let my darkest emotion rip, in real time. And you sat there, watching me, doing an excellent impression of someone who really cared. I thought you were supporting me. Were you taking notes all along?’
He is speechless, unable to defend himself.
‘I mean, what else happens in this movie, Beau?’ I whisper now. ‘Does the protagonist become an alcoholic?’ He sweeps me further from the door, but I don’t care who’s hearing this. ‘Does she smash into his life drunk? I can’t believe I let you convince me it was okay to—’
Whereis this statement going? Okay to what?Risk falling for him?
I am sideswiped by my own realisation. Devastated by it. Disappointed in myself that I could have allowed my already smashed heart to crack open again in front of someone, so fast, and let this much light flood in.
‘Audrey, you have to listen!’
