“It’s very sad that Daddy died,” I begin. “It feels scary.”
She nods. “I’m scared too.”
I pull her into my arms. “Close your eyes,” I say. “Can you smell those pancakes on the stove?”
“Yes?”
“Can you hear Grandpa’s noisy breathing?”
She giggles, then nods.
“What about Mummy?” I ask. “Did you just hear her footsteps across the kitchen?”
“Yes,” she whispers.
“And I know you can feel my arms around you, can’t you?”
She hugs me hard. “And Uncle Drew saved my life,” she adds. “But I don’t know the other lady.”
She means Bree, but I’ve lost track of this exercise now, my eyes open again, staring at Drew from the kitchen floor.He saved her life?He’s sitting quietly at the table with tears in his eyes, looking at Harriet. He will not look at me.
Goose bumps spread along my arms. The bondedness in this group that I found so hard to understand just moments ago begins to make sense. I’d assumed we’d been through a lot, but this is more than I ever imagined.
“Uncle Drew saved your life,” I repeat, even though I am a completely unreliable narrator. “You’ve got so much love around you, Harriet, even in this little kitchen, haven’t you?”
“Mmm.”She nods again, playing with my hair.
“And do you know what else?” I tell her. She looks up. “We can’t bring Daddy back to you. I wish we could. But these are the very same people who help me when I’m sad and scared and don’t know what to do.”
“But you’re a grown-up!” She is amazed.
“Sometimes I feel like I’m still a teenager,” I confess. And now it’s me with tears in my eyes, and Harriet’s hug is giving comfort this time, not seeking it.
“That’s okay, Evie,” she says. “I’ll look after you.”
“Have we had more than our share of life drama?” I ask Drew, when we steal some time away for an evening walk.
“Everyone has drama. But hearing your story played back in fast-forward isn’t helping.”
He’s right. All the big events that punctuate our lives are usually spread out. Not delivered over forty-eight hours, one huge twist after the other.
“Were you going to tell me I was a stepmother?” I ask.Stepmother.I can’t even contemplate what that means, or how strange it is to know I’ve had a child in my life. The same child who I heard squealing down the phone when Drew promised to take her to the zoo. The one in the situation he described as “complicated” when I hounded him about it. His niece. My stepdaughter. Someone who very clearly loves us both.
“I thought you had enough on your plate. I didn’t think Chloe was going to turn up here, but Harriet was already bereft without her dad and she thought you’d died too. I think Chloe was only going to let her glimpse you. Nobody expected that performance in the kitchen.”
“Performance?”
“You were pretty impressive back there.”
I smile. Actually, it felt fairly instinctive, which is weird because I’ve never even babysat a child that I remember.
We find a bench seat in a park not far from my parents’ house and sit down.
“When Chloe kept calling you, I thought …”
He raises an eyebrow.
“You were being so mysterious and secretive. I thought she was your girlfriend, or that Harriet was yours. You were so gorgeous on the phone with her …”Gorgeous in general.“I thought there was a relationship situation you were keeping from me.”
