Four hours, maybe longer. It might as well be an eternity.
“Thanks for manning the ship, Cat.” I smiled at her, but knew I couldn’t feign happiness for long, not while my insides felt like they were twisting and turning. Before the grin could melt away, I decided to retreat. “I’m going to check on Dixon.”
“Probably a good idea,” she nodded, “he looked pretty on edge earlier.”
“He’s always on edge nowadays.”
It felt freeing to walk out of the house and into open air. I instantly felt uplifted, my insides less stale. I breathed deeply, almost getting a high off the heady scent of flowers in full, post-rain bloom. Dixon had moved to sit by the diving board with his legs submerged. He hadn’t bothered to roll up his thick, stained sweatpants so they were soaked and darker gray now. He still wore the stretched-out shirt, though strangely he had rolled up the sleeves of that to reveal the tattoos inked across his upper arms. Maybe he was getting a little sun. He always gave off Spike vamp vibes, a style he often leaned into with his eyeliner and white-blonde hair.
“Still chaos in there?” He asked without looking at me. “It took a lot for me to come and see the new photos. It’s too fucking noisy.”
“Complete and utter chaos,” I confirmed, moving beside him and sitting down on the diving board.
“Good,” Dixon said, staring at the rippling water. A breeze blew, ruffling the California lilac and perfuming the air. “Gives me an excuse to stay out here a bit longer.” He kicked his legs in the water absentmindedly.
I studied my friend's profile, noticing the tension in his jaw and the way his fingers gripped the concrete edge of the pool. Dixon used to be a teddy bear, intentionally so. He tried to cause no harm, refused to even smash a house spider. Because of his past, losing control and hurting someone scared the shit out of him. He couldn’t help what was happening though, which made it so much harder to accept. His control slipped without warning, and rage bloomed without his permission. He said it was like a red haze descended on his mind and he wasn’t himself when the ferality flared. Alphas were completely at the mercy of their primal, baser nature when they didn’t have the centering presence of a mate to cool their rut while dually taming heat. The incident with the cabinet and the coffee table were just the latest in a string of outbursts I hoped would calm once Tessa arrived.
I hated that I was still struggling with the idea of sharing our Omega. I’d just pined so long for Tessa. A small part of me still selfishly wanted to claim her for myself, savoring every moment she could offer. Yet, the Eros Institute’s scent-matching had unequivocally shown that Tessa was never supposed to solely be mine. She’d belonged with all of us; she always had, even back at that concert.
Never. Supposed. To. Be. Just. Mine.
“I held it together in there, didn’t I?” He looked at me, fractures of his soul on display. “I looked at those photos and I didn’t give into the monster. Just knowing she’s coming here is like a magic pill, man. Don’t even know how to explain it.”
“You did awesome, Dix.” I leaned towards him, gripped his shoulder, and gave it a squeeze. “Those photos really got to you though, huh?” Iasked quietly, Tessa seated so firmly in my brain that she was the only subject I wanted to discuss.
Dixon exhaled sharply through his nose. “They had her posed like a fucking doll, Ryder. Like merchandise.” He kicked his feet in the water, sending a spray across the surface. “And that look in her eyes... she wasterrified. I know that’s what we signed up for, but fucking hell, I didn’t imagine it like that. Those pictures were almost worse than the other one. The other one was more... fuck, honest maybe?”
I nodded, understanding completely. I'd seen that same fear in the photos, and it had twisted something in my gut too. Tessa being scared wasn’t a new thing though. We’d seen it in the first picture. We’d smelled it on her medical gown.
“Remember what you said to me earlier in the kitchen,” I prodded him. When he didn’t respond, I continued. “The details were under lock and key, remember. Proprietary. We signed up for it, but we didn’t know details.”
“If we had, would we give up the chance of matching though?” He growled, clawing nails against the inner rim of the pool. His nails were already cracked, a few of them bleeding. I hadn’t noticed before.When Tessa arrived, would our pain really end? Even the bits that were self-inflicted?
“Maybe, maybe not.” I exhaled, the truth settling over me. “Honestly, Dixon? I don’t think I’d have changed things. We needed this to happen, so fucking desperately, man. What choice did we have?”
“I don’t know. Fuck.” Dixon hung his head, hands going slack, fingers trailing into the water and the blood washing away into the pool.
“Once she gets here, we’ll never let her be scared again.” I patted him on the back.
“We’ll take care of her,” Dixon added, his voice a low, threatening rumble. Seconds later though, when he spoke again, his voice was softer, almost a whisper. “What if she takes one look at us and realizes we’re not worth it? I’m a fucking mess right now.”
“We’re all fucking messes right now.” I soothed. “I mean, you’re the messiest, but what’s so new about that?”
Dixon grunted out a short laugh despite himself. “Thanks,asshole.”
“You’re welcome, idiot.”
The sun was setting,hot pink streaks and shocking yellow ribbons slicing through the darkening blue sky, when the sleek limousine pulled to a stop in front of the mansion.
Behind us, the house was no longer abuzz with activity. The pack suite, an area that had remained unused since we’d bought the property, was now thoroughly cleaned and stocked with a full wardrobe, all necessities, new bedding, curtains, art, and a tree shaped series of cat shelves with three attached hammocks at various heights. We’d had a local restaurant deliver a variety of dishes. One thing the Eros Institute had failed to provide was any information about Tessa’s dietary preferences. That made me realize nothing we’d been sent took her desires or wants into account. Everything was geared towards us, their clients. I wasn’t sure how that made me feel. They’d always referred to our potential scent match as a product. Why had that not bothered me from the beginning?
Dixon had mentioned it once or twice. He’d had a visceral reaction to those photos.
For a heartbeat, as the limo sat idling in the driveway, I wondered if I was worthy of seeing her again.Had I ever been worthy of that beautiful, vibrant girl in the audience?
I wasn’t sure where we were supposed to stand, or what we were supposed to do. My pack was awkwardly clustered shoulder-to-shoulder at the top landing; the mansion’s ornate French doors stood ajar behind us. Catalina—now dressed in a crisp skirt suit—took the lead, descending the stairs quickly to stand at the base of our double, circular steps. She smiled professionally; her tablet and pen were poised for action.
The entire planet seemed to inhale and hold its breath. Even the nearby birds, who’d just been twittering pleasantly, fell quiet.
