“I’m going to put her in her crate. I’ll give her a Kong with some peanut butter in it, and maybe she won’t feel so maligned.”
“I guess I don’t know the story of how all your different animals came to you.”
“A lot of them were supposed to be temporary,” she said. “But I couldn’t let them go. I am the biggest cause of foster fails at the whole shelter. But I usually don’t end up with dogs or cats because I’m smart enough not to take them in—I know I’ll adopt them all. Maleficent and Chewy are the only two dogs I have. Maleficent got torn up by a couple of pit bulls that lived in her household. She still hasn’t gotten over it.”
“Who would?”
“She holds a grudge. And then there’s Chewy. But he’s the world’s most docile yellow Lab.”
“Yellow Labs are big,” he said, gesturing to Chewy.
“Yes. It took her a while to warm up to him too.”
“So she could warm up to Hank.”
“Possibly. Pascal . . . The problem with wild animals is that they’re so unpredictable. But I got him when he was so little, he still had his eyes closed. There have been some attempts made at rehabilitation, but he just doesn’t see the point. He likes to be inside. He never really learned how to be a raccoon. At best, he’s sort of a weird dog. But with hands.”
“Yeah. I’m aware of the hands. I find them menacing.”
“They really aren’t. He’s very sweet. He loves the dogs, but I think because they are an established pack, he’s quite protective of the order of things. He’s a bit of an old man. In the wild raccoons barely ever live this long. In captivity, though, they can get close to twenty years old. Like a pampered house cat.”
“That’s a very long time to have a raccoon.”
“Well, I’ve had a whole decade with him, and another one won’t be enough.”
“It seems like a lot of work.”
“It is. But . . . I often think that I was such a strange child, if I hadn’t had a soft place, a soft nest to be in for most of my life, I would’ve been very unhappy. My parents were that soft place. It feels right to be a soft place for other creatures. The ones peopledon’t want. The blind ferrets and the one-eyed chickens. The voles that need a place to recover, even just for a while. I know it doesn’t make sense to most people but . . .”
“It’s actually beautiful,” he said, the earnestness in his eyes surprising her. “Because you’re right. I know what it’s like not to have a soft place. To be the kind of kid that nobody wants. I’m way too familiar with it. Sometimes a soft place is miraculous in ways that I can’t even explain. It can change your whole outlook on life. On everything. If it hadn’t been for your parents. . .”
“I’m glad they were there for you. But I hope you understand that when you really care about somebody, it’s not a burden. I hate to compare you to a homeless raccoon, but Pascal’s not a burden. All my time with him has been a gift to me. It’s a funny thing. By making space for people and animals that need help, you’re actually opening yourself up to the miraculous. My family is better for having had you in it.”
He looked stunned by what she’d said.
“It’s true,” she said.
“Well, I appreciate that.”
“I care about you,” she said. Because she felt it needed to be said. “Not as a project or anything like that. And I didn’t sleep with you just because I’m a sad late-twenties virgin. I actually wanted to.”
He moved toward her, gripped her arm and pulled her toward him. “I slept with you because I wanted you. Not because I owed you a favor, not just because you wanted to lose your virginity. Not even because the idea of some other guy doing it made me see red.”
“Did it, though?”
“Hell yeah.”
“Well, I’m kind of pleased about that.”
“Don’t be. Don’t encourage me.” He sighed heavily. “Pascal can’t go back out to the wild.”
“No. He’s too . . . different. He’s too used to being around people. He doesn’t have the ability to survive on his own.”
“Because sometimes, if you’re small enough when the bad things happen, you can never really become what you were meant to be. You sort of think you’re a dog, or whatever.”
She felt a sliver of ice slip into her heart. “Yeah. I guess that’s true.”
“I might be like Pascal.”
