Ellie felt as if she was walking in a minefield.
“We think we’re the lucky ones,” Clark said.
Knowing the situation, the actual situation, Ellie knew that it was more complicated than that.She also knew that Marjorie was going to grow up hearing reactions like this.That she was lucky.And why?She wasn’t a burden.And she and Clark weren’t saintly for taking her in.She was a little girl who needed a home.Clark had a home.And Ellie would have one, as well.They had love they could give her.Why wouldn’t they do that?But that didn’t make them special any more than it made Marjorie lucky to have them.
Clark was exactly right.Ellie felt lucky.Even though her life had been derailed, completely different today from what it had been two days ago, she felt lucky.
That feeling intensified as she looked at the clothes.
Clark put a hand on her elbow, and she tried not to flinch.“I don’t know how to say this delicately, but there’s no budget.”
She looked at him.Right.So he didn’t have any money because he’d just finished building the house.That made sense.“I don’t mind buying the clothes.I have some savings from my down payment fund, and I don’t mind pulling from it, especially not since—”
“No,” he said.“You don’t understand.There is no limit to the budget.You can get whatever you want.”
She could only stare at him.“What?”
“I’ve done very well for myself,” he said, keeping his voice low.“Between my winnings, my investments, and my endorsement deals, I’m set.”
“I don’t … I don’t fully understand that.”
“You don’t have to.Just know that I’m going to buy everything, and you don’t need to look at the price tag.”
Never in her life had that been a thing.And here she was now, on a pink shopping spree with the cutest baby she’d ever seen, and a gorgeous cowboy in tow.If it didn’t feel so unreal, she would be in awe.It was too bad there was so much going on beneath the surface.
She decided not to dwell on the complications.
She chose dresses, onesies, little jackets and socks, and a beautiful, very expensive stroller.They carried the spoils back to the truck, and then Marjorie went into the stroller as they continued down the street.
In each shop, people commented on how beautiful their family was, and Ellie started really listening to the reactions people had when they found out she and Clark had adopted Marjorie.
“This feels really complicated,” she said when they went back to the truck later.
“In what way?”
“I feel so … happy to have Marjorie.No, this isn’t what I planned.And it’s a total direction shift.But when I think about her, having her, raising her as time goes on, I feel a sense of real joy.But then I stop myself from feeling it because our joy is built off Melanie and Ty’s pain.But I don’t want Marjorie to live in their world.You’ve seen how people react when we say we adopted her.They act like we are saints.Like she’s some kind of a burden.And that’s just not true or fair.I don’t want her to get lost in the sadness of her birth parents’ addiction.Because her life doesn’t need to be defined by that.Honestly, that’s why Melanie and Ty gave her up.To keep her from being defined by this thing they can’t escape.”
He nodded.“I agree.”
“I want to be honest with her.I don’t want to have secrets.”
They got back into the truck after Clark secured Marjorie in her seat.
“I know you had a different experience growing up than I did.But one of the things I learned watching my sister descend into drug addiction is that secrets, and the things people are afraid to say, always make it worse.My parents suspected that she was drinking, engaging in substance abuse, having sex with Ty, but they were afraid to ask.Just like they were afraid to ask about anything to do with mental health.They acted as if it would all be better if we just covered it up.And I think if we had faced the truth head-on back then, things would’ve been better.”
“We?”
“I include myself in that.What if I had said something to Melanie?What if I had been honest?What if I had confronted her when I started to suspect she was using?I’m her older sister.But I was afraid the answer would be yes.I was afraid she would already be too far gone, and because I couldn’t face what she was doing, I lost her.I want everything out in the open now.I want Marjorie to know that we adopted her.That we’re just a different sort of family, but a family all the same.And I want her to know that her biological parents made a very hard, very unselfish decision.Because they did.”
“Yeah,” he said, his voice rough.“They did.”
“And I just don’t want … The idea that we did her a favor, I want that to go away as quickly as possible.”
She felt extremely protective.And angry that anyone would treat their beautiful baby like a burden.
“We’re her mom and dad,” she said, the words coming out of her mouth before she fully thought them through.
“Yeah,” he said.
