Oh, Jesus. How presumptuous was I? I felt like throwing up, my face hot. Why would she want to be friends with me? I was loud and annoying. Didn’t know how to stop talking. That was one thing Sawyer had gotten right about me. “Sorry,” I managed to say. “I’m just… sorry. I’ll get out of your way.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose, and she said. “No, it’s… forget it. I just came to say hi. But I brought you something.”
“You brought me something,” I repeated. “It’s not a tree, I hope.”
She quirked a smile again. Did she think I was funny or exasperating? She held up the bag. “From a friend,” she said. “One who’s not making it today, but she wanted to welcome you.”
“Oh… thank you,” I said quietly, taking the bag. She smiled, a genuine one this time.
“I think you’d like Cat. I left her contact in there. She doesn’t hang out at the Birdhouse anymore, but she’d probably love to chat.”
“Oh—Cat,” I said, my ears burning with awareness. I should… probably have kept it to myself the details I’d heard about Cat. “Linda just mentioned her as the reason she knows sign language. Is she, um…”
Jade arched an eyebrow, studying me for a second—trying to figure out what else Linda had said, probably—before she relaxed. “She’s good at lipreading. Don’t worry. But if you don’t know any signs, you might want to have your phone ready to write anything she can’t follow.”
“Oh. All right. Yeah, that’s cool.” I took the bag, standing up taller. “Thanks, Jade.”
The bartender leaned on the bar next to me, giving Jade a polite smile. “Hey, Jade,” he said. “Been a second. Giving the new girl one of your candles?”
“Candles?” I blurted the word. Something felt hot in my face. That didn’t mean—
Jade rolled her eyes, but she reached into her jacket and pulled out a glass jar with a deep-green candle. It smelled like pine and cedar and sweet cinnamon, just like I’d smelled on Jade before. Oh, Jesus. Now things were making sense. “You can just ask directly, Kev,” she said, setting the candle down on the bar top. “Here you go. Same kind as last time.”
“I was genuinely asking,” he laughed, taking the candle. “But I’m not saying no. Thanks. Can I get you something?”
“I’m all good. Just going to be seen. Something to pass along to Skye too. See you around.” She paused, giving me a loaded look. “You too, Alyssa.”
I got a shudder when she said it—the intensity of her gaze on mine, hazel eyes that gleamed so fiercely it made me feel nervous and shy. Shewasgorgeous. I guess I could see why Daniela had been crushing on her.
Not thatIwas going to crush on her. Especially not after I’d ticked her off and she talked about being friends like it was as appealing as reaching into sewage.
Ugh. Maybe Sawyer was right about me. “See you, Jade,” I said, and I slumped against the bar as she headed up to check in with the others.
Chapter 5
Alyssa
The sunlight felt awful. My head was pounding like I had a hangover, but I knew it wasn’t alcohol I was hungover from. Woke up in a tangle in the sheets of a strange bed, feeling like I had nowhere to call my own, and I clutched at my phone off the nightstand, checking the time.
Jesus, it was past eleven. What the hell was I doing?
I let out a groan, slumping onto my back, staring up at the window, sunlight dim behind the curtains. It was a little basement room that had clearly been an art studio once, converted now to a bedroom with a minimal bedframe and a mattress that felt stiff and cold and unfamiliar.
I didn’t know why it was so depressing that Sawyer didn’t message me. I didn’t want him to. I’d been terrified he would. But it really was just… done, like that, huh? All those years and what did I have to show for it?
It was hard to breathe. Not for any physical reason, just… my mind sank into itself, and it felt like the room shrank away from me until I was here on the bed sprawled out staring up to infinity. I shouldn’t have been here. Was I really walking away from everything, just like that? Were all those years really for nothing? Not even Sawyer, but Boston, my friends there, theregular places I’d known. Was I ever going to be able to make something like that again? Who was I fooling, pretending like I knew how to just walk out and start a new life? I hadn’t even done well when I’d left my mom’s house to go to college, and that was with a whole university designed to receive people going out into the world.
I’d thought at points about reaching out to my mom when I realized I needed to get away from Sawyer. But I hadn’t talked to her in years… I doubted it would go well. And the last thing I wanted was to see Indiana again. But maybe it would have been simpler. Better the devil you know, right?
I didn’t have time to dwell on it. I opened the phone. Went dutifully through the motions. A message from Daniela two hours ago,message me when you wake up and I’ll get breakfast ready.And what was I supposed to do with that? Was I going to just stay here and keep mooching off Daniela, off this room in the basement, eating food Daniela made me? And what about when she finally asked me for repayment? What was I going to do then?
Jesus, I wasn’t doing well. I messaged her.I’m so sorry I slept in this late, I should have set an alarm!
I sat up, stretching my stiff back muscles. Took a long breath, counted to ten, tried to ground myself. Daniela replied.well, if it’s not sleeping beauty! do you want sweet or savory for breakfast?
I sighed, slumping forward.I’m down for whatever!
answer the question, woman
