I snorted. “If you want to really sound like the cliché, you have to drop the R. Wicked smaht.”
“Wicked smaht.”
“Flawless.”
“I feel dirty for having said that.”
“I feel dirty for having heard it.”
She pursed her lips into her small, upside-down smile she did, just for a second, before she said, “So you think Jade was wrong.”
“I think Jade probably shouldn’t have come for you like that. She might be right about the relationship, I don’t know enough about you and Charlie to say, but I don’t think she should have come at you like that. And I can admit that no matter how much I like her personally. I’m happy to talk to her about it, even, if you want me to.”
“Ugh. Don’t. Makes me feel sick.” She shrugged. “Okay, just don’t tell anyone I said this, but yeah, sometimes I feel like she treats me like a dress-up doll. She wants me to be clean and polished and I know I should, but I guess I don’t take very well to being clean and polished. I don’t have any moral high ground to have an issue, but I just… just feel controlled, I guess.” She slumped, letting out a heavy sigh. “There.”
“Do you want to talk to her about it?”
“Don’t really see that doing anything,” she said, her voice dry. “She always wins in arguments. And then I feel stupid and I gaslight myself and I try harder to be what she wants me to be, and I end up feeling like shit.” She shook her head. “I shouldn’t be shit-talking her behind her back, I’m worse than everyone I’m bitching about.”
“You’re not shit-talking her behind her back. You’re telling me how you feel. I’m not judging your relationship or you or her or anything.”
“Thanks.” She sighed, and she stood up slowly, dusting herself off. “I really need some more food. Coming with, or are you sticking by the fire?”
“God, I’m starving. Again. It’s like I didn’t just eat an hour ago.”
“Hikes take it out of you. C’mon.”
I went with her, grabbing food and rejoining the group, and I spent the rest of the evening bouncing around from one conversation to another. Daniela stuck with Jade and Cat, and I felt the familiar flush of guilt seeing Daniela together with Jade, all three of them laughing and chatting brightly together. I knew logically that they were only standing close together side-by-side so that Cat could face them and follow the conversation, but I couldn’t deny the jealousy. And I couldn’t deny that I had no place getting jealous. But I threw myself into conversations with everybody, trying to maintain normalcy, and when Abby switched on some music and asked me if I wanted to dance, all I could think about was Jade, but I knew I was trying to put on a show like I wasn’t obsessed with Jade, so I cast one loaded glance across the camp at Jade before I smiled and nodded for Abby.
“Lead the way,” I said.
Chapter 24
Jade
“Are you and Alyssa together?”
The question came out of nowhere, and I did a double take, turning to where Cat sat on the ridge next to me. We’d been sitting in companionable silence watching the stars come out as the last rays of sunlight disappeared below the horizon, and I’d been brooding over two things: one, Alyssa dancing with Abby, and two, over the fact that I was brooding over Alyssa dancing with Abby. I knew why she was doing it. I also hated that she was doing it. So what a state for me to be in when Cat sledgehammered me with the exact question I didn’t want.
“I try to be together with her as little as possible,” I said, turning to face her and sign while I spoke. “Always on edge when she’s around. Never know when she’s going to slap me in the face again.”
She smiled. “I’ve got a confession to make.”
Casually, my chest constricted and I had a heart attack and a stroke. I managed just as casual a tone as I said, “You have a crush on Alyssa?”
“I was tag-teaming with Alyssa to try to get you and Daniela together.”
It took me a minute to even remember what words were. I blinked fast. “You were doing what?”
“You know, Daniela Holman, the tall one with the glasses.”
“Oh, my bad, yes, that’s right, I forgot who Daniela was. I appreciate the reminder. What do you mean, you were—since when?” All of Alyssa talking about me and Daniela…
“Like two seconds after we met, honestly. She’d been thinking you two would make a cute couple even before she got here, and I was sure you and Daniela were basically a thing before everything went down with the Birdhouse.”
“Well…” My head was spinning, all of a sudden, the rest of the evening miles and miles away, like it was years ago. She strained her smile.
“But now you’re only interested in Alyssa, aren’t you?”
