“I—” My face prickled, and my hands froze up mid-sign. “It was just an idle thought. I didn’t think she’d go telling people.”
“She did tell me not to tell you she told me, but don’t tell her I told you she told me not to tell you she told me.”
I put a hand to my forehead. “Right. I won’t. Unless I do. I don’t know what you’re asking.”
She relaxed. “She was asking if I had any contacts that might help. Don’t tell her I told you, but she’s been looking for openings for you, too.”
“She…” I blinked fast. “She has?”
I didn’t sign it, and I didn’t thinkshe haswas very clear for lipreading, but crucially, Cat didn’t care. She went on anyway. “I haven’t found anything yet, but Daniela’s been talking to some people.”
“I…” My head spun. What was I even supposed to say? I didn’t think I was cut out for anything serious, and apparently I had half the town looking out for me, trying to find me a job. And for what? I didn’t know what they wanted in exchange, and it scared me, but I didn’t have time to figure it out, because that was when I heard Skye calling my name, and I looked back at where she stood at the edge of the camp, waving me towards her.
“Alyssa! Come join us, we’re going to do circle and set our intentions!”
“Oh, uh—coming!”
“And tell Cat to come too! She’s been trying to get out of setting intentions!”
Cat groaned. “Was that my name?”
“Do you want to set intentions?”
“My intention is to go take in the scenery. Tell her I fell off the cliffs and died.”
I didn’t tell her that, but I told her Cat was feeling anintense connection to the landand that she wanted to take the time tohold space for natureinstead, and Skye and Matt ate it up, so I patted myself on the back for that and called it a day.
As much as I didn’t want to enjoy it,circlewas actually kind of nice, all sitting around and sharing our feelings. Maybe it was more the crisp, fresh air I was enjoying here. Or maybe it was Jade’s eyes on me from across the circle, doing a good job playing it cool and pretending she wasn’t looking at me too much, but the smoldering presence of her gaze when it met mine was a secret language for just the two of us. The way she looked at me like I was the only person in the world… it was hard to wrap my head around it.
It reminded me, a little bit, of when I was flying in a dream and I realized I was dreaming. This sense that it was impossible, but that for right now, it was happening, and that was the only thing that mattered. I’d wake up later.
Of course, I wasn’t the only one who was looking a lot at Jade. It was the first time since I’d arrived that Cat and Jade were in a group with this many people, and Charlie’s attention kept going pointedly back to Cat, but Linda seemed more focused on Jade, loaded looks with her eyes narrowed before she pulled away. Even once we ended the circle and broke off into our little groups to relax and enjoy the scenery, the weather, the food, the energy of the group oriented itself around Jade, and even when the evening was getting on and the sky started to splash with purple from the edges and I knelt by the gas stove to help Linda turn it on, I could tell from the glances she kept sending Jade’s way that she was thinking about her too, and I couldn’t help myself. I never did manage to keep my mouth shut.
“Are you okay?” I said suddenly, and she stopped fighting with the dial on the stove that was refusing to cooperate, lookingup at me instead. “I mean, with Jade here. You seem a little uncomfortable.”
I shouldn’t have said it, and she made it abundantly clear, from the way she narrowed her eyes at me. “Well, I know whose side you’ve taken in the whole thing.”
I cringed away at first, but I took a second to relax into it. She was pushing back because she was hurt and insecure, and that was all. I relaxed, sitting down cross-legged, pulling my coat tighter against the cool wind. “I’m not trying to take anyone’s side,” I said. “I think a lot of people have just said a lot of things they shouldn’t have. Do you want me to talk to her about something? Because I’m happy to be a neutral party.”
She pushed out a frustrated sigh, going back to the stove, trying the same thing, clicking without lighting. “Don’t bother. People can think what they like.”
“I mean, it’s not about what she thinks so much as—”
“So much as what everybody thinks about me and my partner now, because she’s gone around smearing my relationship to people.”
I frowned. That was nothing like the Jade I knew. Because she wouldn’t try to tear somebody down like that, and also because, well…gossipwasn’t really the word I’d use to describe her. “She has?”
“I figure the mask’s kind of come off by now. Figure you’ve been talking to me and Charlie less because of whatever she’s been telling you about me.”
“Oh.” I furrowed my brow. “She hasn’t said anything about you.”
“Right.” Her expression quivered, just a little.
“I mean, she’s mentioned you in casual contexts, like she does everybody, but she’s never said anything about your relationship or about you as a person or…” I shrugged. “I’ve just been spending more time with her and Daniela and Catever since Daniela reached out and started clearing things up between them.”
She grunted. “So Daniela’s in on it too, then. Nice to know.” She tried the same thing with the stove again, turning it off and on again, clicking without starting. I reached in without thinking, taking her hand off the dial, and she gave me an odd look, but I tilted the stove and reached under it, and I adjusted the plug at the base, pulling it out and reseating it. I pushed the dial in and twisted, and it clicked a few times before it lit up, flaring high before it settled into a steady burn.
“If you wanted to spend more time together or something,” I said, “you can just say so. I didn’t mean to leave you feeling ignored. I just tend to get in my own head thinking people don’t want me around too much.”
