Daniela gave me a playful push. “Go get on the dance floor and show off. Let me see what came of those… private dance lessons.”
Jade’s grip tightened even further. I couldn’t take my mind off it, the strength of her grip. “Do we need a private room for the two of them?” she said coolly. Abby snorted.
“Don’t get jealous,” she said, and she turned and offered me a hand. “Let’s go put those lessons to use.”
Jade gripped the table tighter, pushing slightly, and I felt my stomach swoop at the visual. Suddenly, viscerally, I pictured her gripping me like that—pushing me—and wondered what it would feel like if she held me like she held that table. Strong arms pushing me against a wall, those smoldering eyes looking into mine.
Jesus, that wasn’t a thought you had about a friend. I felt briefly dizzy as Abby led me towards the open floor, close to the speaker system, and I tried to look at her, but all I noticedwas Jade in the corner of my vision, still looking at me like she wanted to rip me away from Abby. And I wanted her to.
Was this for real? There was no way I was feeling this. Not when I was trying to see her together with Daniela. I burned with guilt and shame, like a hot liquid in my face and in my chest, shame for stealing someone else’s partner, as I tried to negotiate with myself, beg and plead for itnotto be that. But I couldn’t close up the thought again now that it had broken free.
Jade was so gorgeous. I wasn’t worried about her taking away my friendship with Daniela or the two of them disappearing, I was getting possessive ofJade.Wanting her for myself. Wanting that strong grip holding onto me as she did something with that jealous look she had.
“You okay?” Abby said, and I swallowed hard. My throat was so dry, my head was spinning. This wasn’t like me.
“I’m good.”
She stopped in front of the stereo with me, eyes searching me in concern. “If you don’t want to do this, you can just say. I’m not trying to pressure you or anything.”
Jesus, I couldn’tdothis. I couldn’t come here and rely on Daniela’s goodwill, promise to give her a chance with Jade after all, and then cut in to steal Jade for myself. “I’m just a little confused,” I said quietly, only barely seeing Abby there right in front of me.
“About what?” She cocked her head. “Or… have you not been with a girl before?”
My body flushed with heat. I think she just meant it in a general sense, but my brain snapped back to the image of Jade being… physical. I almost moaned at the thought of her pushing me back against the wall, closing the distance between us, claiming me. “What’s it like?” I whispered, and a devilish smile lit up on her features as she started to move to the music.
“It’s a lot of fun,” she said. “Girls pay attention to you and what you want in a way guys could never.”
I moved with her, my hand falling to her waist. I wondered what it would feel like with my hands on Jade’s body. “What if you… shouldn’t?”
She laughed. “Oh, girl,” she said. “There’s no room in life to think things like that. What youshoulddo is feel good and get what you want.”
There was no way. I could never look Daniela in the eye again. I couldn’t betray her trust like that. But… I found my gaze moving past her and landing on Jade. And Jade was still looking at me.
“Can we dance closer?” I said, my voice a ragged whisper, and Abby obliged all too readily, pushing up against my front and slipping a hand around to my lower back. I’d never felt something so right and so wrong at the same time—using Abby as a proxy for Jade, pressed up against her while fantasizing about another woman.
“Do you like this?” she said, moving slowly with me, and I tried to bring my gaze back to look her in the eye.
“You really shouldn’t be doing this with me,” I whispered. She grinned wider.
“I’m not attached.”
“I’m a problem.”
She traced her fingers along my back, small and delicate. I wondered what they’d feel like if they were a little bigger, a little stronger, coarser, and if the smell wrapped around me was like cedar and spice instead of Abby’s floral perfume. “So is alcohol,” she said. “But sometimes I have a drink. Live a little.”
Jesus, this was a disaster. I guess I needed to do it—lean into Abby and try to use her to distract myself, since apparently she was okay with me treating her like that, as horrible as it was. But I needed it, needed anything that would point me awayfrom Jade. I danced with her, still pressed close together, and it wasn’t long before Jade led Daniela to the floor, too, and my chest clenched as they danced close to me. My gaze kept moving past Abby and landing on Jade, just as Jade’s kept landing on me, and I swear that heated look she gave me felt like she was fantasizing the same way I was. I couldn’t help myself—the heat kept building inside me, feeling Abby’s warmth against me and imagining it was Jade’s, and I locked eye contact with Jade and bit my lip.
She stumbled. Just a little. Jesus. I needed her to need me like I needed her.
The song ended too soon, and Jade pulled Daniela away, back to the table just as the waiter joined them, and I tried to take the opportunity to steady myself. I breathed hard, stepping out of the dance and giving Abby what I think was a normal smile as she took my hand and led me back to the table with the others, and I fumbled with the menu as I tried to order something. Cat gave me tactfully searching looks, and I couldn’t shake the suspicion that she knew. Did everyone know?
I had to play it cool. Had to pretend I was into Abby. So I did what I could—maintained conversation with the others and spent dinner looking anywhere but at Jade, and I sat painfully close to Abby. Put my hand on her back, touched her arm, anything to see if I could get my fill from her instead of from Jade. I found myself getting more and more desperate when nothing even began to satisfy me, and I broke my resolution—by the time we moved to dessert, I let my gaze go back to Jade, and the rest of the table disappeared as soon as we made eye contact. Daniela was saying something, signing excitedly, and Cat and Abby were both nodding along, but I looked at Jade and felt all of it fade into the background as the waiter set down my caramel mousse in front of me. I didn’t even notice, not really. Notconsciously. Didn’t notice anything except the way Jade looked at me, eyes searing hot.
I picked up my spoon, not taking my eyes off her for a second, and I scooped the mousse, lifting it up to my lips. I saw her grip her fork tighter, and my body went taut thinking things about that grip, about her hands. Slowly, I put the spoon in my mouth, dragging it out over my lip, and the way Jade watched it like she couldn’t see anything else made my body burn. I didn’t even do it consciously—my body chose for me, and I took the spoon out of my mouth and licked, slowly, along the tip, still looking at her. Her pupils dilated, neck muscles tightening before she swallowed, and I was so intently watching her that I almost jumped out of my seat when Abby nudged my side.
“Does it taste weird or something?”
“Oh—uh.” I laughed nervously. Jesus, I’d just been eye-fucking Jade. What the hell was Idoing?“No, it tastes good.Reallygood, actually. So good… um. I just lost my sense for a second…” I sputtered with another nervous laugh. My face was burning. “I really like caramel.”
