‘Let me carry her up to the nursery for you,’ he said gently, for all the world as if he were speaking to his equal, and Amber quietly undid the shawl that bound the child to her and watched as he took the infant from her and cradled her against his chest.
‘Nancy, see that some refreshments are sent up to the nursery,’ he told the girl and with a bob of her knee and a broad smile on her face Nancy rushed off to do as she was told.
They didn’t speak again until they reached the privacy of the nursery and Amber stood there not sure what she should do. She had expected him to rant and rave at her but instead he eventually dragged his eyes away from Charlotte’s face to say softly, ‘I didn’t think I was ever going to see her again. Why did you bring her back?’
Amber gulped. ‘Because she was un’appy an’ because?.?.?. she were missin’ you.’
His eyes returned to his daughter’s face as if he couldn’t get enough of her and raising his head, he said gently, ‘Thank you.’
‘What? You mean I ain’t in trouble? Ain’t you got the police lookin’ for me?’
He shook his head. ‘How could I report you for anything after the way I treated you? And anyway, I don’t think they’d have been too interested when they found out that you’d taken your own daughter.’
She lowered her eyes, feeling ashamed. When it came to his children, Barnaby wasn’t nearly as bad as she had painted him in her mind. ‘So what do you want me to do now? Shall I go?’
‘Go?’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘Why would you do that? Who else could I get to care for Charlotte better than her own mother? No, please stay. I told the servants and anyone who asked that you’d gone to care for a sick relative and that you could be gone some time. There’s no need for them to know otherwise, although?.?.?.’ His mouth twitched and the shadow of a smile appeared. ‘It might be a good idea to get changed out of those clothes before you see any of them.’
She too smiled as she gazed down at her shabby work boots, and darned skirt and blouse, but then Charlotte stirred and slowly opened her eyes and as she looked up into her father’s face the most wondrous smile stretched from ear to ear and she gave a little crow of delight as her arms crept about his neck.
‘I’ll?.?. . go and get changed then.’ Amber felt as if she had a lump the size of a house brick in her throat and she had the sensation of choking as she fled into her old room, holding back a sob. It was the first time Charlotte had smiled –reallysmiled – since they’d left and Amber’s heart felt as if it was breaking. The child had never smiled at her like that.
Half an hour later she presented herself back in the nursery. She had washed and changed and fixed her hair into a neat bun but there was nothing she could do about the state of her work-worn hands. Only time would heal them.
The door opened and Barnaby’s mother-in-law appeared to stare disdainfully at Amber. ‘Ah, the servants said you were back.’ She turned her attention to Barnaby and told him, ‘Don’t you think you should go and spend some time with your wife? She isn’t long for this life, as you well know.’
Amber was aware that she barely glanced at Charlotte, and she wondered if Margaret Hamilton-Tate knew the child wasn’t even her blood relation. Or perhaps she sensed it and that was why she showed no interest in her?
Barnaby was well aware that Louisa really didn’t care if he was there or not. She was in so much pain now that she was only semi-conscious for much of the time. Over the last few days, she had seen everyone she wished to see, the reverend and her solicitor and now it felt as if they were all just waiting for the inevitable end. Even so he nodded and reluctantly passed Charlotte back to Amber, saying, ‘I’ll send Becky back up.’
Amber nodded and once he’d left the room, she set about bathing and changing Charlotte. The child seemed happy to be back in familiar surroundings and as the day wore on, she became more alert and much more her cheerful little self.
In the afternoon, Amber and Becky took her out into the garden and after laying a blanket on the grass they let her roll about in the sunshine.
‘It’s good to ’ave you back; I missed you both,’ Becky said with sincerity and Amber smiled. Her plans to have Charlotte all to herself and live independently had gone seriously awry but at least she could still care for her, which meant the world.
*
Throughout the day Louisa deteriorated and as evening drew in, her mother retired leaving strict instructions with Mrs Ruffin to fetch her should her daughter get any worse.
Mrs Ruffin seriously doubted that this was possible and as she gently bathed the young woman’s head with cool water she felt as if her heart were breaking. From the second she had taken over the care of Louisa when she was just a tiny baby her whole life had been devoted to her, and now she couldn’t bear to think about being without her – she was her reason for being.
‘There, my brave lass,’ she crooned and Louisa’s eyes blinked open as her hand sought Ruffy’s.
‘R-Ruffy, please?.?.?. Ibegyou; the pain is so terrible.’ As she drew her legs upwards, she gasped and grimaced with pain. ‘P-please, help me. I can’t bear it anymore. Please, if you love me?.?.?. put me out of my misery?.?.?.’
Mrs Ruffin swallowed, and in that moment she knew that her beloved girl had had enough. Her eyes locked with Louisa’s and very slowly she nodded as she gently eased the pillow from beneath her head.
‘I love you, my lass. You’ll never know how much,’ she said brokenly, and as she saw the gratitude in Louisa’s eyes, she placed a kiss on her forehead and gently placed the pillow across her face and pressed down hard. Louisa was too weak to fight even if she had wanted to and within an amazingly short space of time Mrs Ruffin sensed that she was gone from her.
As she lifted the pillow, she saw that the pain was gone from Louisa’s face and she looked at peace. She gently lifted her head and replaced the pillow.
‘Sleep tight, my precious lass,’ she muttered and turning about blindly she stumbled across the room to swish aside the curtains and open the window so that her beloved girl’s soul could fly free. At last Louisa was free of pain but Mrs Ruffin knew that hers was only just beginning.
Beyond the window the wise old owl sat hooting in his favourite tree and a silver moon hung suspended in a black velvet sky. Everything looked exactly as it had the night before but Mrs Ruffin was painfully aware that nothing would ever be the same again.
Crossing back to the bed she bent to place one last kiss on Louisa’s pale cheek before fetching her cape and walking woodenly out of the house. She had nothing and no one to live for anymore. She had no idea where she was going, but eventually, she found herself at the harbour. It was deserted and there was nothing to be heard but the sound of the waves slapping against the quay. A number of boats were anchored there and as she stared past them to the sea beyond, she felt bereft. Only once before in her life had she felt such grief when, as a young mother-to-be, the mine owner from the pit where her husband worked had come cap in hand to tell her that her darling husband had been killed in a fall below ground. Her grief had been so intense that only days later the child she had been carrying had been born too soon. It was a little girl and Maude Ruffin had felt that her life was over.
The months that followed had passed in a blur of heartbreak until the small amount of savings they’d had was almost gone and she applied for the post of nanny to the Hamilton-Tates’ new baby daughter. She was accepted for the job and the minute she held Louisa in her arms she had begun to heal and in her heart, Louisa had become the daughter she had always longed for.
