Back at the house Mrs Ruffin was tending to Louisa who was now so weak that she was reliant on her maid for everything.
‘That’s it, my love. Just raise yourself a tiny bit more,’ she encouraged as she slid a clean nightdress over Louisa’s head. She had just gently washed her from head to toe, as she did each morning, but it seemed that no amount of washing could erase the smell of death that hung in the air now. ‘I’m sure your mother will be in to read to you soon, you’ll like that, won’t you?’
As she laid the young woman back on the lace-trimmed pillows, Louisa caught her arm. She was burning hot and her eyes were feverishly bright as she clutched at her swollen stomach with her other hand. ‘Yes, yes, I will, but before she comes in I need to speak to you, Ruffy. I?.?.?. I know that I haven’t got long left,’ she said. ‘And truthfully, I shall welcome death; the pain is just so awful, even the medicine isn’t helping for long.’
‘That’s quite enough of that silly talk, my girl,’ Ruffy scolded. ‘Somehow we’re going to get you well.’
Louisa shook her head. ‘No, my dear Ruffy, you know that isn’t true?.?.?. and so if you truly love me as you say you do, will you do something for me?’
‘Of course?.?.?. anything, you should know that.’ The lump in Mrs Ruffin’s throat was so large that it was threatening to choke her. ‘What is it you want, just name it.’
‘I want?.?.?.’ Every word was an effort now. ‘I want you to end it for me.’
‘What!’ Mrs Ruffin was so horrified that she snatched her arm away.
‘I wouldn’t ask if there was any chance of me getting better,’ Louisa told her. ‘But all I have left to look forward to is pain for however long I have left and you could end that pain for me.’
Mrs Ruffin’s head bounced from side to side as she reached for the bottle of laudanum the doctor had left. ‘Look, have a drink of this, you’ll feel differently when it starts to work.’ With shaking hands, she tipped a few drops into a glass of water but when she raised it to Louisa’s lips, Louisa shook her head.
‘No Ruffy, that’s only atemporaryrelease, and after what the reverend told me when he came to see me the other day, I know I have something so much more to look forward to. When I go to heaven, I’ll never be in pain again and I’ll be an angel.’
‘You alreadyarean angel,’ Mrs Ruffin muttered with a crack in her voice.
Thankfully the painful conversation was brought to an abrupt end when the door opened and Louisa’s mother appeared.
‘I’ll leave you two to it for a time while I take these dirty clothes to the laundry,’ Mrs Ruffin said hurriedly, snatching up the laundry and marching from the room.
Once on the landing she took a deep breath and leant heavily against the wall as her shoulders sagged. Never in her life had she denied Louisa anything, but was she strong enough to do what she had asked of her today? Deep down she knew that death would be a blessed release for the poor soul, for it tore her heart in two watching her suffer. From the time she had taken over the care of her when Louisa was just a tiny baby, she had loved her as her own and now she couldn’t imagine life without her. With a sigh she pulled herself together and wearily went down the stairs.
*
‘So why have you allowed the nanny to take Charlotte away?’ Margaret asked Barnaby at dinner that evening.
News of her going had spread through the house and caused more than a little gossip. After all, everyone was saying, the child could quite easily have stayed with Becky, who was more than capable of looking after her. Barnaby was aware the excuse he had given would only ring true for so long but he would worry about that when questions started to be asked about why Amber and Charlotte hadn’t come back. Neither his wife nor Charlotte’s grandparents had ever shown much interest in her after all, so none of them were going to miss her.
Robert didn’t even look up or show any interest in his wife’s question. He was too busy concentrating on the delightful Queen of Puddings in front of him. Barnaby wondered how he had any room left for it after he had helped himself to two portions of the rack of lamb, and before that he’d eaten a large dish of broccoli and stilton soup.
Now he dabbed at his lips before replying calmly, ‘I thought it might be a good idea to get her away from the house while Louisa is so ill. The servants are creeping about like ghosts and I believe that children can pick up on things like that so it I think it’s best she’s in a happier environment for a time.’
‘Mm, I suppose you have a point. Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I’m going to go up and see how she is. She’s had a particularly bad day today.’
Both men rose from the table as she left the room, and once she was gone they retired to Barnaby’s study for a glass of port and one of the excellent cigars Barnaby had shipped in from Cuba.
At last Barnaby’s father-in-law retired and Barnaby could make his way to his own room. Once there he sat on the end of his bed and dropped his head into his hands as he tried to envisage life without either of his children. Louisa would not be here much longer, David was dead and now he had lost Charlotte too, the one person who had made his life worth living. Already he missed her smile, the way her face would light up the moment she saw him, and the sweet baby smell of her. At that moment, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to go on, but one thing he was sure of: this was God’s way of repaying him for the wrong he had done to Amber and now he would never have the chance to put things right. Stifling his sobs with his fist he finally allowed his tears to fall.
Chapter Thirty-Two
As the cock crowed in the farmyard, Amber rolled herself to the edge of the straw mattress and began to fumble about for her clothes. Each morning she was expected to be up to make sure the fires were lit and start the men’s breakfasts before they rose. Thankfully, Charlotte was still asleep with her thumb jammed in her mouth. That was one blessing at least, for with every day that passed the child was becoming more fractious. Added to that she had now discovered that she could roll about the floor, so Amber had no doubt that soon she would be crawling and getting herself into all sorts of danger.
The old lady had taken to having a lie-in each morning, claiming that her arthritis was playing her up, and Amber had now just about taken over all the household cleaning and cooking, which wasn’t easy when she had to keep one eye constantly on her baby. Melvin was also proving to be a problem as he seemed to take delight in goading and insulting her. She had no idea why he’d taken such dislike to her, and she did her best to stay out of his way.
Once she was dressed and had checked that Charlotte was still fast asleep she climbed down the ladder and began the task of lighting the fires as quietly as she could. The only good thing about living there was that there was never a shortage of food. Pigs provided pork and bacon, the chickens laid an abundance of eggs, there was fresh milk each morning from the cows and the vegetable garden and orchard supplied more produce than one family could ever eat. What they didn’t need was taken to market and sold each week, which was the one thing that Amber had refused to do. She had no wish to be seen there and so the old lady had taken to going with the farmer, which suited Amber.
There was bacon sizzling in the old cast-iron frying pan and the tea was mashing when the menfolk appeared, scratching their bellies and yawning with their braces dangling about their knees. Amber hadn’t seen any of them even attempt to have a wash since she’d been there and as they entered the room the smell of stale sweat came with them. She hurriedly fried the eggs and slapped their breakfasts down on the table in front of them, then hearing Charlotte start to whimper she wiped her hands down the front of her apron and started to climb the ladder to the loft with the men’s complaints ringing in her ears.
‘I ain’t never knowed a bairn cry as much as that ’un. It’s enough to drive yer barmy!’ This was from the old farmer and she cursed under her breath although she knew deep down that it must be trying. Charlotte was no longer the happy child who had arrived there just one week ago and she still wasn’t eating properly despite Amber’s best attempts to tempt her, which was worrying her no end.
Once the child was dressed, she carried her downstairs and offered her some of the porridge that had been gently simmering on the range all night, but Charlotte turned her head away and in the end Amber gave up.
