‘An’ what about me dad?’
Alice chuckled. ‘You just leave your dad to me, lass.’ Her eyes strayed to the window where the fog had now come down so densely that she could barely see beyond the glass. ‘The boat should be back be now,’ she fretted. ‘I just hope they ain’t stuck out at sea in this fog.’
Over the years Amber had watched her mother worry about exactly the same thing time and time again. Not that she was any different to any of the other fishermen’s wives. They all knew what a risk their menfolk were taking when they sailed off and they all offered up a prayer of thanks each time they returned safely.
‘They’ll be fine, Mam.’ Amber sat back in her seat to enjoy her tea, for now too bone weary to even get out of her filthy clothes and wash. She had a lot to think about.
Chapter Fourteen
‘Would you like me to get Nanny to bring the babies through to see you?’ Mrs Ruffin asked as she leant over the bed to tuck the covers more closely about Louisa’s thin frame. They had arrived home the day before and Louisa hadn’t stood up at all well to the journey. She was bleeding heavily again; so much so that Mrs Ruffin had insisted the doctor should be sent for.
Louisa scowled. ‘Not at the moment,’ she said. ‘I don’t feel strong enough just yet.’
Mrs Ruffin secretly wondered when she would be. Since the day the babies had arrived her answer had been the same every time she was asked.
‘Perhaps if you were to get up for a little while each day and sit in the chair by the window it might build your strength up?’ she suggested tentatively but Louisa pouted and shook her head, setting her curls bobbing on her shoulders.
‘No, I told you I’m not well and the babies are so?.?.?.’ She frowned as she tried to think of the right words to describe them.‘Noisyandsicky,’ she said disgustedly. She really couldn’t understand why everyone seemed to be making such a fuss of them. All the staff and especially Barnaby were besotted with them. And it wasn’t even as if they could do anything yet apart from drink milk, yell and fill their binders. She could only begin to imagine what he would be like with them when they could potter about.
The door opened and Barnaby appeared with a bunch of fresh-cut flowers he had asked the gardener to pick from the hothouse.
‘I thought these might cheer you up,’ he told her with a smile, handing them to Mrs Ruffin, who hurried away to put them in a vase in water.
Louisa glowered at him. ‘I think it will take a lot more than a few flowers to dothat,’ she told him ungratefully. ‘Youdorealise that I almost died having those babies, don’t you?’
‘Of course I do, darling.’ He pulled a chair up to the bedside and made to take her hand but she snatched it away.
‘Actually, I’m glad we have a few moments alone because there’s something I must say to you.’
‘Of course.’
He stared into her face and with her chin in the air she went on, ‘The thing is, the doctor has told me that if I were to attempt to have any more children it could kill me.’
He nodded, his face sombre. ‘I’m quite aware of that.’
‘Good, then you will realise that we must never?.?.?.’ She sought for the right words before ending, ‘We mustneverlie together again. It isn’t worth the risk. And after all, you have not one but two children now so surely you are happy with that.’
Barnaby nodded resignedly. Their love life had never been the best and he knew that she had only endured it now and again for his sake, but she was right, it wasn’t fair to risk her health again. Of course he knew there were ways and means to prevent pregnancy, but if he was honest, given her obvious horror of the act, lying with Louisa had not been pleasurable for some time.
‘I am more than happy with the family you have given me,’ he said sadly. ‘Although it saddens me that we will not be intimate again.’
‘Speak for yourself,’ she said tartly. ‘It certainly doesn’t sadden me! In fact, I can tell you now, I find the whole process messy and uncomfortable. No, I will stand firm on this, Barnaby. From now on you are to stay to your own room.’
‘As you wish.’ His face set, he stood and looked down on this woman who he had once idolised, and then with a curt nod he turned and left the room. His next stop was the nursery where he found the nanny he had employed to care for the children changing the boy’s binding whilst the wet nurse from the town fed the girl. His face instantly softened as he asked, ‘And how are they today, Nanny?’
‘Oh, the lass is as good as gold, sir,’ the nanny, a plump, middle-aged woman with a kindly face replied. ‘But the boy is still quite fractious.’ She finished fastening the boy’s binding and after adjusting his tiny nightshirt she handed him to his father, thinking,It’s a good job one o’ the parents shows an interest in the little mites. The mother certainly don’t.
Barnaby cuddled the tiny boy close, feeling a rush of love the like of which he had never felt before. Oh, he had thought he loved Louisa, but had he really? a little voice in his head asked. Or had he merely been infatuated with her ethereal beauty?
Before their wedding he’d soon discovered that her beauty was pretty much all there was to her. She enjoyed being admired, pampered and kissed but that was as far as it went. In the early days of their marriage, he’d convinced himself that things would improve with time, but they hadn’t and it was this that had made him seek his pleasures elsewhere. Not that this was any excuse for the way he had treated Amber Ainsley. Time and time again he wished he could go back and undo the wrong he had done her – the day he had seen her gipping herrings on that cold quayside he had felt like the lowest of the low. He cringed when he remembered the scorn in her eyes when she looked at him, and the worst of it was that he really couldn’t blame her.
Bringing his thoughts sharply back to the infant in his arms, he stared down at him. He was the double of himself, with fair downy hair and blue eyes, whereas the girl’s hair was a darker blonde and already her eyes seemed to be changing colour and he suspected that they would be dark.
‘You’d never believe these two came from the same womb, let alone that they were twins, would you?’ the nanny remarked as she took the full, contented girl from the wet nurse’s arms. The boy was tiny and quite scrawny whereas the girl was plump with long silky eyelashes that rested on her chubby cheeks as she contentedly blew milk bubbles.
‘I just wish he was as fond of his milk as she is,’ the woman went on as she sat the little girl on her lap and began to tap her back to wind her. ‘This little madam would suckle till the cows came home if you let her, whereas his lordship here has to be encouraged to take every ounce. And already they’re different in nature an’ all. She’s a sweet, contented little soul whereas he cries a lot – not that he ain’t a bonny little thing,’ she added hurriedly when Barnaby raised his eyebrow. Standing up, he gently laid the boy into one of the cribs that stood on either side of the fire and then took the girl and held her against his chest. She really was the sweetest, prettiest baby he had ever seen, and once again a feeling of love surged through him. It was just as well, he thought wryly. Because his wife had made it more than plain that there would be no love forthcoming from her again.
‘Have you thought of any names for them?’ the nanny asked.
