‘One day when the time is right, I shall tell Louisa that I love you,’ he had promised. ‘And then we’ll be together for always.’
And she had believed every word he said. She could still remember the first time she had given herself to him as if it was yesterday. She had no regrets because she loved him with all her heart but now she wondered how he would take the news that he was about to become a father. Hopefully, this would be the spur he needed for them to be together. And so, taking a deep breath, she lifted her chin and moved on; there could be no more delaying.
After entering the barn, she stood for some minutes allowing her eyes to adjust to the gloom, then jumped back in alarm as a large tabby cat in pursuit of a rat almost as big as itself narrowly avoided racing across her foot. Her heart had been beating wildly before but now it was racing so much that she was worried it would leap out of her chest. And it was then that she heard the creak of the enormous barn door behind her and spinning about she saw the master striding towards her.
‘Hello, Amber,’ he said with a worried frown, holding his arms out towards her. ‘Come here, there’s something I need to speak to you about.’ Barnaby wasn’t looking forward to this conversation because he knew it was going to hurt her.
‘An’ I need to tell you sommat an’ all,’ Amber said nervously as she licked her dry lips. ‘The thing is?.?.?. I think I’m in the family way?.?.?.’
He looked shocked. ‘And you’re telling me that the child is mine? Is that it?’
Hurt showed in her eyes before she nodded and said quietly, ‘Of course it is. I ain’t never laid wi’ no one else, you know that.’
She was disappointed at his reaction but then she supposed she should have known that it would come as a terrible shock.
He moaned deep in his throat and began to pace up and down, kicking up the loose straw that lay about the floor, causing a storm of dust to rise into the air.
Hurrying to him she took his large hands in her rough, calloused ones. ‘Look, this won’t be so bad,’ she told him urgently. ‘You allus said we’d be together one day. Happen this can just make things come about sooner than we’d thought.’
Something about his stiff stance disturbed her and she felt the first stirrings of panic. Surely he wouldn’t turn his back on her when they meant so much to each other, especially now he knew that she was carrying his child?
Barnaby, meanwhile, was shaking his head as he struggled to come to terms with what she had told him. He turned away, running his hand distractedly through his thick thatch of hair, and when he turned back to her the look on his face made her heart skip a beat.
‘I-I know what I promised,’ he said. ‘But the thing is?.?.?. something has happened and I can’t leave Louisa.’
Amber recoiled as if she had been slapped in the face. ‘What do you mean? Of course you can, we’re going to have a baby?.?.?.’
He shook his head regretfully and she watched him fumble in the pocket of his smart trousers before handing her a shining gold sovereign. It seemed to burn into her skin as she stared down at it.
‘I’m so sorry, Amber,’ he told her in a choked voice. ‘But I think it might be better if you got rid of it. There’s a woman on the outskirts of the town, I believe, who helps women in your position.’
In that moment all her hopes and dreams turned to ashes and tears sprang to her eyes. She knew immediately who he was speaking of: Lil Bentley was an old lady who the townsfolk said was a witch. She had helped many young women out of the plight Amber found herself in but some of them had ended up in an early grave because of it, and Amber knew that she would never do as he asked, although she wasn’t quite brave enough to tell him so.
‘So you never meantanyof what you said?’ she whispered dully as she felt her heart break. ‘You just used me!’
‘No, no, Idocare about you,reallyI do but?.?.?.’ He spread his hands. How could he make her understand what he had to lose?
She backed away from him as if she was suddenly seeing him for the first time.
‘Perhaps when you’ve got rid of the baby you could come back,’ he suggested. The thought of never seeing her again was painful. But she shook her head. How could she ever trust him or believe a word he said ever again?
‘I’ll tell Mrs Boswell that I have given you a few days off because your mother is ill or something,’ he said desperately.
‘Yes,sir.’ Amber bobbed her knee and walked away leaving Barnaby Greenwood to stare after her, his shoulders sagging as shame swept through him. He knew what he was doing to Amber was wrong but he was so confused and miserable that he had convinced himself it was right – or at least he had tried to.
It was ironic, he thought, that all he and his wife Louisa had ever wanted was a child of their own and now that he had the chance to be a father he had ordered the girl to get rid of it!
Amber knew that Mrs Boswell, the housekeeper, wouldn’t be at all pleased when she told her that the master had given her permission to be away from her post, but that was the least of Amber’s troubles for now. First, she would have to face her mother and she quaked at the thought.
‘So how did he take the news?’ Nancy was sitting up in her bed when Amber crept back into their room. In response, Amber opened her palm to reveal the gold sovereign lying there.
‘Lordy?.?.?. has he give you the sack?’ Nancy asked.
Amber shook her head. ‘No?.?.?. he gave me this an’ told me to get rid o’ the bairn,’ she answered in a wobbly voice.
Nancy gasped as her hand flew to her mouth. ‘But you ain’t goin’ to go along that road, surely?’ she said fearfully. ‘There’s so many things can go wrong.’
‘I know.’ Amber sank onto the end of her bed dejectedly. ‘He says I can come back once I’ve got rid of it but I don’t think I can; I ain’t brave enough.’
