‘Y-yes.’ Abi fumbled in her bag and when she withdrew the guinea, the old woman’s eyes latched on to it greedily before she reached out and snatched it and pushed it down the front of her blouse.
‘Good, that’s that bit out o’ the way. So now we’ll get on, shall we? No sense in waitin’. ’Ow far along are yer?’
‘About two to three months, I think.’ Abi was cringing with shame and embarrassment as the old woman went to a cupboard and withdrew a bowl containing a long, lethal-looking knitting needle and some pieces of rag.
‘Right.’ She nodded towards the table. ‘I want yer to take yer drawers off an’ gerr up on there fer me. You’ll feel a sharp stabbin’ feelin’ fer a few moments then you’ve to go straight ’ome an’ the rest should follow naturally. It’ll all be over by this evenin’ but afore I do it you need to swear that should anythin’ go wrong you’ll not bring my name into it.’
‘I won’t .?.?. I promise.’
Tears were coursing down Abi’s cheeks now as the implications of what she was about to do hit home. This was her baby she was about to kill. Hers and Hugo’s, the man she loved. Until that moment she had never really thought of the baby as a real living little person but now she wondered what it might have looked like. Would it have been a little girl who looked just like her or a baby boy who looked just like Hugo? Very slowly and shaking with humiliation she removed her skirt and drawers as the old woman slopped a grimy cloth across the table. Abi felt as if she was caught in the grip of a nightmare and her legs suddenly turned to jelly and she found that she was frozen to the spot.
‘Well, come on then,’ the old woman snapped with not a trace of sympathy. ‘Yer weren’t so worried when yer took yer drawers off fer the father, were you? An’ I ain’t got all day, yer know! Me time is precious.’
As she lifted the knitting needle and wiped it with the same grimy cloth, Abi’s courage fled and she knew in that moment that she couldn’t go through with it. She would rather go through the shame of giving birth to an illegitimate child than die trying to get rid of it.
‘I-I’m sorry, but I’ve changed my mind!’ Snatching up her drawers she shoved her legs into them and hoisted them up then did the same with her skirt.
The woman’s eyes narrowed. ‘What do yer mean – yer’ve changed yer mind? You’ll not get yer money back. I can’t do wi’ people wastin’ me time. Another five minutes an’ it’ll all be over.’
‘No, no really. I can’t do it .?.?. and it doesn’t matter about the money.’ Abi was shaking so much that she couldn’t fasten the buttons on her waistband. Eventually she gave up and grabbing her bag, she raced from the cottage leaving the door to flap open after her in the breeze washing off the river.
She stumbled more than once as she tackled the stairs back up to the bridge and by the time she’d managed it her skirt and hands were muddied and her eyes were wild, and she looked nothing like the sedate young woman who had arrived there shortly before. As she pelted along, lifting her skirts in a most unladylike manner, people stared at her curiously. But she paid them no heed, her only wish was to get as far away from the hellhole she had just visited as possible.
Once back at her living quarters she nearly fell through the door and Maria, who had only just risen after spending most of the night entertaining a customer in her room, caught her arms to steady her.
‘Whoa! Hold up there, queen! What’s wrong?’
‘I-I went to see Mrs Duffy.’
Maria frowned. ‘Ah! So it’s all over bar the shoutin’, is it?’
Abi’s head drooped and she began to cry. ‘N-no, it was soawfulth-there, Maria, I couldn’t go through with it. I’d paid her and everything but then—’ She hiccuped to a halt as Maria led her into one of the downstairs rooms where the girls entertained their gentlemen friends and closed the door firmly behind them.
‘But what are you goin’ to do now?’ Maria looked worried. ‘It won’t be long afore yer can’t hide yer condition, an’ nothin’ much gets past Lilly.’
‘I-I really don’t know.’ Abi dropped on to a chair and sobbed afresh as Maria bit on her lip.
‘Why don’t yer just get yerself back ’ome to yer ma an’ come clean wi’ her?’ Maria suggested. ‘Per’aps she’ll forgive yer an’ let yer keep the baby there.’
Abi shook her head. The mother she knew would never get over the shame. ‘No, I could never do that. I shall have to think of something else.’
‘Right well, while yer do I’m goin’ through to the kitchen to get yer a nice strong, sweet cup o’ tea. They reckon it’s good fer shock an’ yer look like yer could do wi’ a cup.’ Maria headed for the door, her floaty peignoir swirling about her legs.
That evening Abi got Maria to tell Lilly it was the wrong time of the month and she was feeling unwell, and while all the other girls went to work, Abi lay curled up in a ball softly sobbing as the wonderful future she had planned for herself crumbled to ashes. Before her father had left them, she had dreamt of a rich young man coming along and sweeping her off her feet but that dream had died when she and her mother and Emmy were left homeless. Then Jasper had dangled a new and exciting life in London in front of her and after snatching at it she had met Hugo and given him her heart. Even now she couldn’t believe that he had willingly left her. Surely he would come back from France if only she could get word to him about the baby?
Suddenly it hit her like a blow between the eyes. What a fool she’d been to believe all that his mother had said. Hugodidlove her, she was sure of it, and if he couldn’t come to her then she must go to him. She realised that she would never get his address in France from his mother but she wouldn’t mind betting that Jasper would know where he was and if she were to fully explain the situation to him, surely he would give it to her?
Without stopping to ponder, she leapt out of bed and pulled on one of her beautiful gowns, then after brushing her hair till it shone, she made her way down to the club room.
‘I thought you were feelin’ poorly,’ Lilly greeted her.
‘I was but I’m feeling much better now.’ Abi’s eyes swept past Lilly to scour the smoky room, but as yet there was no sign of Jasper. Still, she wasn’t overly concerned. The night was young and he still had time to appear.
It was actually four nights before Jasper put in an appearance and by then Abi’s nerves were as taut as violin strings.
‘Jasper, youmustgive me Hugo’s address in France,’ she told him without preamble before he had even had time to reach the bar. ‘It’simperativethat I see him.’
Jasper frowned. ‘I don’t think his grandparents will be too pleased if you just turn up there uninvited,’ he pointed out, hoping to put her off, but she wouldn’t be swayed.
