Lord, I’m going to be a mess tomorrow. I’ll need to borrow some waterproof mascara.
Obviously I’ll be saying yes. I don’t think I need to worry about making good decisions any more, at least not while I’m in the arms of the man I could fall in love with.
My future is right here, with Patrick.
Chapter SixteenDolly
@bigbaby:omfg warren is so fit i might die pls resus me so i can die again thx
@RealiteeTea:I keep seeing people say Patrick and Carys are endgame and hello??? Have you seen Warren and Dolly? [fire emojis]
@havenmaven:I just realised Dolly is Dolly Doherty! I’ve been making her sweet potato curry pie every month – it’s foolproof. tiktok.com/DollyPie
@thehafofit:I swearrrrrr I met Dolly on a night out years ago…
Game face on, Dolores.
That’s what Mum would say to me.
Well, she would if she remotely approved of me being on here. When she meets Warren, when he tells her why he’s here too, she’ll understand.
She’s always been a practical woman. Just like me.
The divider comes down again slowly in what I assume isdesigned to prolong the anticipation of seeing someone you want to bang.
Warren and I go straight for a hug, arms clasped tightly round each other.
We only have maybe a minute and one chance to get this right.
I know for a fact thatWedded Blissnever makes their contestants reenact anything because it always plays strained and fake. Other shows have made that mistake before, with two different kisses edited together, and immediately spotted by the audiences.
My hands work quickly, as I pretend that I’m just overwhelmed touching him for the first time. Over and over, I whisper sweet nothings, I laugh, I make enough verbal noise to hopefully cover what I’m really doing. My hand slides up his back which, wow, heisabsolutely jacked, until I find what I’m looking for.
As the wire unclips from his mic pack, Warren clocks on to my plan.
His admittedly huge hands are already at my waist, and stroke over my own pack, tucked into the back of my high-waisted trousers – thank God I thought to wear separates today.
I’m a big tall girl, so it’s not normally an easy feat to lift me off the floor, but Warren sweeps me up into his arms and swings us around in a circle, just as his fingers flick the wire out.
I can’t help but admire his finesse.
We did it. We’re off mic, and for the first time, production can’t hear us. As long as we’re quiet and make as much additional noise as we can, any hidden mics shouldn’t be able to pick us up.
‘One year minimum,’ I whisper hurriedly right into his ear.
He kisses my cheeks. ‘Prenup if we have to legal it.’
‘Obviously,’ I laugh loudly, as though he’s just whispered something sexy to me. Just in case I’m wrong about this, then they have something to play. And if they have had to turn the sound up high to hear us, I’ll have blown out their speakers. Sorry, audio team, but needs must.
I say more sweet nothings against him, the usual stuff about how good he smells, how tall he is, wow look at your muscles, while he whispers some more conditions. ‘A fake I love you moment today. I’ll propose tomorrow.’
‘PDA okay, lie about the sex, we can discuss later,’ I whisper back.
‘And honesty with our family.’
We finally stop spinning and I feel so dizzy that we have a genuine funny moment of him plonking me down, before we collapse onto the couch. I’m not even sure whose room we’re in now.
Outside, I can hear the hurried footfall and anxious shouts of the production team scurrying towards us to fix the sound problems.
