Ohfuck.
I’m not sure this could have gone worse if I tried to fuck it up more. And I completely fucked up that chat by getting frustrated and mean, but fuck.
Everything was going perfectly to plan until last night, and now I have a freshly hatched baby-gay about to detonate all over everything I’ve worked for.
This is my future. My mum’s future.
What does ‘may the best woman win’ mean? Is she going to out me? Is she going to tell them that Warren and I are fake?
Fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have told her anything. I should have just told her I was more into Warren. There were so many more sensible things I could have done than reveal my grand plans like a shite villain in a movie.
There’s still time to stop her, so I grab Carys by the wristbefore she can close the door. ‘Carys, please. Don’t be an idiot about this.’
Carys spins, snarling. It turns her pretty face ugly. She yanks her hand out of my grip, and I feel my nails accidentally dig into her skin as she moves. She yelps and holds her wrist to her chest.
‘Fuck, sorry.’ I want to check her skin over, but she won’t give up her hand.
‘Oh, let me get this straight,’ she says with zero irony. ‘When I make a plan, I’m somehow an idiot. You’re just smarter than the rest of us, is that it?’
‘I shouldn’t have called you an idiot,’ I admit. ‘But you can’t just stay here to spite me.’
She laughs. ‘Don’t underestimate me.’
‘I’mnot. I’m worried about you!’
I am.AndI’m worried about her messing this up for me. But she’s not going to listen to me if I keep being a cunt to her.
‘You can’t worry about someone you don’t give a shit about,’ she snaps.
‘Idogive a shit, Carys. That’s why I’m trying to talk you out of making a bad decision.’
‘You’re just scared I’m going to beat you. You’re scared that Patrick and I make a better couple than you and Warren do.’
I hate that my traitorous body finds it hot when she is literally threatening me.
And while I never had notions of winning this thing, she doesn’t need to know any more details.
‘What about Patrick? You were oh so concerned about whether I’m lying to Warren, and yet you’re going to lie to Patrick? The guy isin lovewith you.’
That is somewhat of an exaggeration and I should feel bad about it, but I don’t.
‘And who is to say I don’t like him back?’
‘Youdid!’ I feel like I’m going insane. ‘That’s what all last night was about!’
‘I didn’t say that at all. I was just confused, clearly.’
Maybe she didn’t say that. Did I imagine it? All I can remember are the horny sirens blaring in my ears that I should have listened to, then I wouldn’t be in this total shitfit of a situation.
She straightens the collar of the latest in a parade of identical twee tea dresses. ‘I know I’ll feel it when I kiss him.’
‘And what if you don’t?’ God, shut up, Dolly. Why are you even asking this?
‘I will. He matters more to me than anything in the world.’ She looks me up and down like I’m muck. ‘I said this was a mistake. I was just confused. Let’s forget it happened.’
‘So you’re shoving yourself back in the closet?’
‘Dolly, it doesn’tmatterif I like women when I could love Patrick. I’m not like you.’
