To say that here could be dangerous. Could jeopardise everything.
But then she’s looking at me, with expectation and, I realise, hope.
Oh God, this isn’t just about her fancying some kind of arbitrary woman, is it? Could this be aboutme?
I feel aflame just looking at her, and my brain unplugs itself. ‘I— yes. Carys— I…’ I lick my lips, my mouth suddenly wet with the thought of kissing her.
She unpicks my hand from her wrist, and threads her fingers through it, so we face each other, palm to palm.
‘That’s why I asked, Dolly, about the girls on the road. I… I wondered if the feeling I was missing might be right here. I wanted to know it wasn’t just me.’
Her eyes dip down to my lips.
‘We can’t,’ I gasp.
‘But you want to?’ The little squeak in her voice, the wish fulfilled, makes me want her even more.
When I look at her parted cherry-red lips, at her heavy-with-wanting eyes, all I can see is how lit up with desire she is.
Desire forme.
Our eyes lock together once again, and I’m spellbound.
‘Are you sure you’re not just confusing friendship?’ I babble, knowing that I have very rarely looked at someone I considered only a friend like that. Nor have I held hands, sat this close, thinking about kissing my friends I didn’t also want to sleep with. ‘I know it’s really intense in here. And we’ve grown close,’ I protest further.
‘I think we both know that’s not it.’
My heart thuds in my chest as she takes my other hand too, uncurling her fingers in my palm.
God, it’s been so long since I’ve been touched that I shiver. I forgot how addictive the feeling was. This is like the fresh water I’ve been wandering the desert for.
This is the first time I’ve wanted something for myself in a long, long time.
‘It can’t all be just a story, can it?’ she whispers, and I start to unravel. ‘The sparks?’
‘Carys,’ I whisper, pleading but I’m not sure what for. To stop? To keep going? Maybe both, in separate universes, so I can taste her and this remain a fantasy at the same time.
‘If you don’t want this, I’ll stop.’ Her voice is low, breathy, and so close I can taste it.
I’m high on the girl with the cinnamon hair, and the sweetshop scent of her.
‘I don’t want this to stop,’ I croak. ‘But I can’t…’
One last ditch plea for sensibility, even sense has long fled this room.
It feels like an electric shock when she leans her foreheadagainst mine. She steps closer, standing between my thighs, and my body aches at the closeness of her.
‘I won’t move a muscle more,’ she whispers. ‘It’s up to you, Dolly.’
God, it’s too addictive to hear my name in her mouth. ‘I think you are so much more than just an experiment.’
I know then that we’ve crossed a threshold. There is no turning back from this. Whatever Carys and I are, it’s an inevitability.
From the moment I saw her in the road, this spark of fire rushing to help, I knew I liked her, wanted her, thought about her all the time. And it’s only got worse the more I’ve got to know her.
‘I want you. And… I think you want me too.’
‘Bold of you,’ I manage to shudder out.
