The full cast of women are still here, though I get the impression a few men have been dropped for definite as there’s no mention of Daniel or the second-day guy so painfully unmemorable I forgot his name.
Everyone is nervously preening. It’s not so much love at first sight, but confirmation of possible love at first sight. For all the other girls, today matters a hell of a lot. Generally it seems to be the women who can look past not being that attracted to the men at first – but the dudes? That’s another story.
Once again, I am extremely grateful that I’m not here for actual romance, because I know exactly the kind of reactions mid-size girls in shows like this get when they are revealed to their men – always dudes who say they have no type and then proclaim it is ‘petite’.
I have to trust that Warren is not going to do that to me, given our tentative, unspoken potential arrangement that I hope he’s considering too.
If I’m honest, I’m kind of surprised the show let me on because usually they keep clear of fat people, particularly fat women, for this exact reason. Perhaps this should have been a sign to me that contestant care is not their top priority, as much as they proclaimed it might be.
Just then, Louise bustles over to me. ‘Is Carys still unwell?’
‘I thought she should probably sleep as long as she needs to,’ I say, trying to sound polite and not narked.
‘Right, but wedohave a show to film,’ she says in that specific-to-sickness-condescending tone that I’ve heard far too many times in my life. ‘Was she poorly overnight? If not, then really she should be up and ready to film. This is a team effort, after all.’
I choose not to respond to this blatant fishing with the information she’s after. ‘I’m a deep sleeper,’ I say sweetly. ‘Let me take her envelope through to her with a cup of tea and see how she’s doing.’
The millisecond of a look Louise gives me could curdle milk, but she wipes it away in a flash. Scary, really. Remindsme of Carys in ways I can’t put my finger on. ‘Fine, that seems like the best course of action. But give me a call when you know how she’s doing. Dates start in an hour.’
I want to note how pointless it is for her to give me a deadline, what with the lack of clocks in here, but I shouldn’t start a fight, even if I really want to.
Once she’s gone, Lina sidles up to me. ‘Is Carysactuallyalright?’
‘I think so. I will go wake her up in a second,’ I say, walking to the kitchen to make Carys that cup of tea I promised Louise I was going to make.
To my surprise, Lina follows me. Not that we’ve not got along, but we’ve not really had much to say to each other. Slightly on purpose on my part if I’m honest. That comment about being chill about gender made me want to keep my distance only because the last thing I need is another queer woman clocking what I am.
Last night’s questions from Carys were bad enough.
‘I think I should tell you something,’ Lina begins, her glossy black hair falling over her shoulder like a curtain of rain.
‘Go on,’ I say. She doesn’t speak until I start running the tap to fill the kettle.
Lina covers her mouth with her fingers and her words come out low and fast, just audible to me over the sound of the water. ‘Carys was asking me about being attracted to women, all prompted by me talking about gender. I think she’s feeling unsettled, but I’m not sure why. I’m telling you because I think you care about her as much as I do, but don’t repeat this.’
The lid of the kettle closes with a loud clack in the new silence between us. ‘Right,’ I say, trying to get this settled in my head. Before I can ask anything else, Lina announcesshe has a date to get ready for and leaves me in the kitchen holding a very full kettle.
What the hell was that? Was Lina really telling me what was going on so I can look after Carys, or was this a warning? Was Carys needling Lina because she suspects me? And if so, has Lina worked me out too? I hadn’t anticipated another queer woman in here (whether that’s a label she’d even use for herself, I will have to find out another time) and perhaps that was naive of me. I can’t be the only one in here keeping secrets.
I try to suppress the shake in my hands as I set the kettle to boil, teabag in cup, a teaspoon of sugar that drops golden crystals all over the counter.
I’m safe. I’m fine.
I don’t have time to worry about this because I’ve finally got my face-to-face date with Warren. I need to focus on Warren. What’s Carys going to do without internet anyway? It’s not like she has any evidence that I might be a lesbian. The production team would probably think she’s on one.
Probably.
But I should make sure I keep them sweet today, just in case.
Script: See and Touch Dates
[Karina stands in an empty date room, when the mirror slowly lowers.]
KARINA Over the next few days, our couples will come face to face. But will they like what they see?
[Karina turns to look through the gap left in the wall, finding Lucas on the other side. She looks to a camera shooting over his shoulder.]
KARINA I know I do.
