I just don’t know how to spin this.
‘Contingency plan,’ Warren announces, cutting through my thoughts. ‘If it all goes south, slink back up to the Barbican, say you were running late, and we have a fun little cold feet storyline to play with.’ He says all this as though this is so normal and fine, but then, this is how we’ve operated the whole time.
‘But if she wants me back, you’re alone,’ I say.
To my surprise, he laughs and takes my hand. ‘Dolly, do you knowhow powerfullygetting left at the altar because you fell in love with a girl is going to play for me? I am going to make so much heartbroken but understanding, feminist, lesbian-ally ex-fiancé content. I’d get to be a single man withhurt feelingsexpressing them healthily.’
‘Oh God, you’ll be unstoppable,’ I gasp. ‘Think of all the women who could fix you.’
But still, I’m frozen. I can’t quite move yet. There’s too much running through my head about Mum, about Connor, about the whole reason we got into this mess.
Warren stands up, and tilts my head up from my chin. ‘I know you’re scared. But that promise to look out for each other? That still stands for me. You’re family. It’s you and me together, no matter what.’
I believe him. With every essence of my being, I believe him. What a joy to have found a soulmate of a different kind than this show offers.
‘Oh God, I’m going to cry and ruin this horrible makeup,’ I wail, throwing myself into his arms. ‘I don’t deserve you.’
‘Nope. I’m exceptional.’
We break apart and I bite my lip as possibilities rush through me.
‘Come on, we’ve got a wedding to stop,’ he says.
‘Fuck. I don’t even know how to get to wherever the fuck that big house is. Surrey? Suffolk? Sussex? Why do they all sound the same?’
‘I remember.’ He takes out his phone and brings up the route options.
I take the phone from his hands. ‘Shit, it’ll take over an hour to even get out of London. And there’s no train station nearby.’
A jingle of keys rings through the air, and I see him slinging them round his finger. ‘I’ll drive you.’
‘What about the guests? They’ll be getting ready.’
‘I’ve told my mum there’s a hold up. They’ll go have a nicer pamper with your mum too. She’ll be relieved,’ he says with a laugh.
‘Oh don’t. She’ll be devastated you’re not her son-in-law.’
‘She’ll be glad you’re being true to yourself, Dolly. You know that’s all she wanted. Not the money or the glamorous wedding. She wanted you to be you.’
‘See? She’s going to be devvo that you’re not in her house.’
‘Eh, I’ll marry her instead then.’
‘I think Jas thinks she’s next in line.’
‘You lot can’t get rid of me either way.’ He takes my hand and kisses it. ‘You were the best fake fiancée I could ever have hoped for.’
‘Warren, I think you might be my best friend.’
‘Come on, stop being a big wet and get your things.’
I run around the flat gathering up my things, and as I do I fire off a text to my mum.
Dolly
Wedding to Warren might be off. I’m going to tell Carys I love her.
Mum
