I round on Mum and I just know I have the biggest shit-eating smile on my face. ‘Oh, is it?’ There’s nothing sweeter than catching your mum being a little bitch, especially when she’s been occupying the high ground like an army general.
‘Jaslyn Doherty the gob on you,’ Mum groans. ‘Is there no sanctity in this house?’
‘So youhavebeen watching,’ I laugh.
‘Look at her, smug as a creamed-up cat,’ Mum says to Warren.
‘Admit it, you were bitching about me,’ I tease.
‘Not just you. She thinks that Bridget is fake too,’ Jas adds. ‘No offence, Warren.’
He holds up his hands and sits back down at the table. ‘None taken. Why don’t you like Bridget, Moira?’
Mum wrinkles up her face. ‘She just gives me a weird feeling. What is it you kids call it? The ick.’
‘It’s definitely not the ick,’ sighs Jas.
‘And she’s highest on your shit list, over Jackson and Zack?’ I gasp. ‘Mother, you misogynist.’
‘Oh, come now. They’re just obvious. Why waste my breath onobviousarseholes?’ She taps the tabletop with her finger. ‘There’s something funny about her. Just watch yourself, will you?’
I nod, even though I’m pretty certain Mum just hates her in the usual reality television way. ‘Okay, I will.’
Mum gets up from the table, her arms shaking at the elbows. This has been a long day for her, and I know she’s exhausted. ‘Now, come on, future son-out-of-law,’ she says, and Warren stands to attention, even if she has made it sound like he’s a cowboy that’s marrying into the family. ‘I have lots of things in high places for you to reach for me.’
Transcript: Carys meets Patrick’s family
[Awkward music plays over Carys, Patrick and his two parents sipping coffee together in an empty café.]
DAD So, what do you do, Carys?
CARYS I work on a city farm. That means a lot of—
MUM A farm?
PATRICK Not just any farm.
CARYS Yes, like I was saying I do a lot of teaching as well as looking after the animals—
DAD So you spend your day cleaning up after animals?
PATRICK You could argue that’s what my job is too, Dad.
MUM It’s a little more skilled, Patrick. Let’s be realistic here. There is a wealth disparity that needs to be addressed.
PATRICK That’s not a conversation for this table.
DAD I think it is, but fine. Whatever you want.
MUM Have you heard from Peony recently?
Transcript: Patrick meets Carys’s family
[Scene opens on Ang and Del walking down the corridor to Carys and Patrick’s apartment. They knock on the door, and it’s flung open with Carys leaping into their arms. The three girls come inside.]
DEL Okay, wow, this is definitely a leg up from your house share.
CARYS I love you for coming.
