‘I’m sure they’re very reassured when you tell them about theirbits.’
We share another laugh, and I think I could get used to hearing that barking bellow. ‘Even more so when the nurses have to writenot this legon them in sharpie.’
‘Horrifying. But that’s very impressive,’ I concede. ‘The surgeon part.’
‘Thank you. I like to think so. And, I’ve been doing it long enough that I barely even have to check the sharpie scrawls on their bodies.’
I almost choke on my bubbles again for laughing. Note to self, choking on bubbles probably looks horrendous on camera. Stop drinking while other people talk.
Whit hops up on one of the velvet and gold barstools. ‘What about you?’
‘Oh, the usual. Influencer. That sort of thing.’
‘That sort of thing,’ she says, with a raised eyebrow. ‘Okay, keep your secrets.’
‘I’m not being coy. I just know you’re going to have the exact same job conversation with at least three other women here because it’s such a reality TV show standard, and also I think you’re interesting and cool enough that I don’t want to bore you immediately.’
A smile curls at her glossy lips, and I notice the ghost of a piercing in her lip. A faded teenage rebellion perhaps? ‘Come on, give me the TLDR.’
‘Okay, fine. I’m a trained chef who pivoted out of the kitchen to making recipe and lifestyle content.’ There’s more to it than that, like how all my lifestyle stuff is filmed at Auntie Carol’s nice house instead of our pokey little two up two down. Or why I had to leave the restaurant in the first place.
Whit’s eyes light up. ‘Oh, so like the girl who did like twelve days of potato recipes?’
‘Yes, pretty much.’
‘That spoke to my soul.’
‘Then I promise to make you some really good potatoes.’
She clinks her cup against mine. ‘We’re going to be friends.’
There’s a chorus of cheers as another new girl enters the warehouse with her handler. She’s small and incredibly beautiful, with thick long black hair thatalmostmakes me want to grow out my choppy little bob.
In fact, this might be the most hair I’ve ever seen in a single room. These girls could put Barbie or My Little Pony to shame.
Still no Cherry.
I turn my attention back to Whit, who has fished an ice cube out of her drink and is crunching down on it. ‘Who are you sharing with?’
‘The white girl in green. Brunette. I forgot her name already.’
‘Niamh?’ Even though I intone it as a question, I know I’m right. She’s the only Irish girl among us. I never forget an Irish person because of Scouse–Irish solidarity. I was hoping to chat to her, but she’s glommed onto Bridget. Celts unite, perhaps.
I should probably be strategic about alliances, but I like Whit, who could be someone I’d befriend outside. I know the classicLove Islandline is ‘I’m not here to make friends’ but given I’m specificallynothere to fall in love, maybe friends are allowed.
‘Niamh! See, told you I was rubbish at names,’ Whit says.
‘I’m sure it doesn’t help that we have a lot of thin white girls with the same tan and haircut,’ I say. For a dating show purportedly not just about looks, the casting has still chosen similar flavours of beauty. You could mistake the line-up here for a Pretty Little Thing advert.
Not a lot of body diversity either; I think I might be the largest girl here. Not that that’s unusual for me in most settings – being almost six foot and fat has me both toweringover most women and out-sizing them. I knew coming on a show that hides what you physically look like as a plus-sized woman was going to be a gamble, but I’d forgotten just how slight the model-types can be.
‘I don’t think mine has arrived yet,’ I say, turning my attention back to Whit. ‘So, Manchester girl, are you?’
Whit nods and then, for some reason, squints her eyes in focus. ‘I can’t place you. Except maybe somewhere in the North? Did you go to private school? Or are you from York?’
Relief. The accent is working, even on someone fairly local.
Now, I’m not ashamed of who I am – Scouse and working class among many other things – but I do know this: the British are obsessed with two things: class and accents. Accentimpliesclass, in some cases at least.
