‘Six, so far. One more on the way, that I know of.’
‘Ah yes – of course. The big family. All the steps and halves.’
‘Yes,’ he says. ‘Technically. But I don’t keep track of all that. They’re all family.’
The silence stretches. He knows she wants him to ask. But he pretends not to know that.
‘What are your plans tomorrow?’ he asks eventually.
‘Catching up on sleep, for a start.’ She makes meaningful eye contact, and he feels his neck redden.
‘Very wise,’ he says.
‘And dinner with my friend Lily. But I’m otherwise free.’
‘That sounds nice,’ he says. His phone lights up next to him: saved by the bell, or at least by the silent notification.Nathan. And by the reminder, flashing up on his screen, that time is very much passing. ‘I’ll call him from the train. We should probably get going soon.’
It’s not late, but by the time they’ve trekked back from Waterloo to their separate homes, it very much will be.
‘I was thinking we could maybe get dinner?’ He can tell she is trying for casual, but it doesn’t quite land that way.
‘Let’s grab something on the way to the station,’ he says. He’s exhausted, suddenly. The sleepless night is catching up with him, and so are his emotions, all in a rush. The thought of sitting opposite Jess at dinner, trying his hardest not to mentally undress her, careful to be all that she deserves for him to be – all that he desperately wants to be for her: sorted, resilient, clever, funny … It feels like too much. The stakes are too high. On the train, he’ll call Nathan back from the corridor. Then he’ll take a few minutes to stare wordlessly into the darkness, get his breath back.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jess
Alex feels suddenly distant, but Jess is probably imagining that. She was hoping to spend the train journey with her head on his shoulder, making plans with him for their next working session, which she hopes will be soon. She suspects that, otherwise, she will miss him in a way she has no business missing someone she only met a few weeks ago. But instead, he spends most of the journey in the corridor, on the phone to Nathan. She slides her headphones on and finds her Main Character Energy playlist, but looking out of the window at the English countryside doesn’t quite hit the same when it’s getting dark and all she can really see is her own slightly deflated reflection. And then, at last, his reflection too, when he finally slides into the seat next to her.
‘What did you tell Nathan?’
His hand is on her leg, claiming her.See, she tells herself.He likes you. You have nothing to worry about.
‘That we had a very productive time, and he’ll be happy with what we’ve achieved. And also that hisroof leaks and he should probably fix it. He asked if it interfered with our sleep. I said we figured it out.’
Jess covers her face with her hands. Nathan knows. Even with such vague information, there is no way he doesn’t know.
Alex leans into her, his head now on her shoulder. ‘We have nothing to be embarrassed about,’ he whispers, his breathtickling her cheek. ‘And if Nathandidsend us there to fall in love, then, well … mission accomplished, wouldn’t you say?’
‘Please tell me you did not use those words on the phone to him.’
His silence is her answer.
But once she processes what he’s just said, it’s hard to be angry with him.
He’s fallen in love with her.
This journey could not be more different than the journey just two days ago, before everything. They’re sitting in a more or less empty train carriage. There’s nobody across from them, nobody opposite. Jess doesn’t have to worry about being ‘that person’, about them being ‘that couple’.
‘It’s mutual,’ she says. ‘In case you were wondering.’ She turns to kiss his cheek, then his mouth. It’s an awkward angle and her neck will ache tomorrow, but she doesn’t care. She can’t quite believe she is snogging a hot man on a train. A famous author, no less. Her teenage self would be so proud of her. Lily will be, too – she can already hear her low whistle.Good for you, she’ll say, switching the wine for prosecco to toast the success of Jess’s writing retreat.
Now this,she thinks to herself in the meantime, self-congratulating … Noting once again Alex’s skill with his lips, with his tongue, trying somewhat in vain to keep her body and her vocal chords under control.This is Main Character Energy.
The days drag interminably until Thursday, when Jess and Alex have agreed to meet again, to work on the book and, she suspects, their kissing techniques. Not that Alex needs to work on his. It’s pretty much perfect as it is. Just thinking about it raises her body temperature a few degrees.
The book, however, is a different story. They’ve worked hard already and got a lot done, but the planning is just the beginning. The essential foundation, but not the visible house of words they are building. It’s better, they’ve reluctantly agreed over WhatsApp, to spend some time apart, working separately.Without distractions, Alex had specified, as if it needed to be spelled out.
But now he’s here, on her doorstep. She has spent the last day and a half not so much working on the book as doing an emergency deep clean, rearranging her furniture, buying flowers and artfully arranging them in vases, tinkering with her bookshelf so that the colour coordination is as visually pleasing as possible. It needed to be done anyway, for the sake of Instagram. Alex’s impending visit is just an added motivation. At least, that’s what she tells herself. And now he’s standing in front of her. She’d somehow forgotten how much she fancied him.
